Doctor Tom

We gave up less than 600 yards

11. Melissa Midwest

Another great one. Omaha is also one of the few areas to have Taco Bell's waffle taco. It's unfortunate that so many of our biggest draws are food related.

Cooper learned that headbutting is illegal. Who'da thunk it?

No, I'm not when the post comes from somebody who has been around here for a while and has managed to post less than 100 posts. Had you or anybody else done it, it'd be okay. If it makes you feel any better, I have to have approval from a moderator before my posts get shown. I think its because I called somebody "my friend". Or because I haven't donated $5. To be honest I haven't exactly figured it out yet. Thanks for the warm welcome though. Next time don't leave your sense of humor at the door.

Get the hell out of here. Yeesh. You alright buddy?

8. Free pickles. Surprised that's allowed by the NCAA. Impermissible pickles is a serious problem in today's college football landscape.

It's one of the stages of depression. Can anybody tell me what I should expect next?

Nebraska has done nothing noteworthy for a loooong time. Time to wake up my friend. "But....but....but...we were one second away from being Big 12 champs in 2009!"

Never underestimate the value of free corn. That's how we get all our biggest recruits.

7. We have sensitive fans that won't badmouth (edit: criticize) you because they too have a fetish for mediocrity

1. Get to wear black uniforms for one blowout per year 2. Play in front of 90,000 fans for three quarters. 3. iPads in lockers 4. Strange fetish for mediocrity That's all I got. Am I missing anything?

Ever hear of the Gus Johnson effect??? I'm a fan of Gus but also a little superstitious so I'd rather not have him do any of our games.

Barring injury, what's the over/under on the number of yards Taylor will end up amassing in his career? 9,500?

Yeah, credit to Taylor there. Huge play.