I'd plus 10 this if I could. Your children have to know who's the boss, but discipline should come from love and concern. Your child's obedience should come from love and respect, not fear. Hot sauce and cold showers might not be abuse, but it smacks of sadism, anger, and power tripping. Children can be reasoned with, and there are many non-physical punishments that can be effective. However, when a physical correction is called for, and it will be with even the best children once in a while, a simple spanking has been proven effective and sufficient by parents all around the world for centuries.