The Drunktionary

[Drowning_in_the_Sea_of_Red]

Ah drunk people...will they ever say what they mean? Below you’ll find some common drunk phrases and what they translate to in sober language. I hope this helps you gauge whether or not it’s a good idea to let your buddy in the car when he claims he’s “totally fine, dude.”

 

(Drunk Term = Sober Translation)

 

I LOVE This Song! = I KNOW This Song!

 

Dude, all the chicks at this party are ugly = Dude, none of the chicks at this party will talk to me.

 

Man, I’m hungry = Man, if I don’t eat right now I am going to be puking all over this bar…again.

 

You’re really pretty = I’m going to be ashamed of it tomorrow but tonight is all about instant gratification, honey.

 

Want to watch a movie? = Want to come over to my room for some extremely creepy back rubbing and some equally disturbing neck-nibbling?

 

I’m soooo drunk = I’m planting a seed in your head that will eventually grow into a beautiful tree which excuses me from blame for my actions tonight.

 

I just, like, want to help animals, ya know? = I just, like, want to get in your pants, ya know?

 

You’re my best friend, man = You’re my only friend in arm’s reach right now and I need someone to pay for this shot, man.

 

I don’t want to ruin the friendship = You’re a nice girl but you’re very heavy and I’d rather pretend I value our friendship than spend tomorrow dreaming up ways to kill myself.

 

This is the BEST night of my LIFE! = This is the BEST night of my WEEKEND!

 

Let’s take a walk, this bar is crowded = I prefer my handjobs outdoors.

 

I’m totally fine, dude = I’m totally going to be needing a toilet or bucket in about five minutes, dude.

 

What’s up, Bro? = What’s up, guy-who’s-name-I-can’t-ever-remember?

 

Who wants to dance? = Who wants to watch me stumble around the party, waving my arms, spilling my drink and pile-driving my genitals into anything wearing a skirt?

 

Hey, did you get the notes from Bio? = Hey, I’m going to ask you about class because I’m too scared to ask you out.

 

I had, like, ten beers before I even came out = I'm, like, the kind of guy that lies about how much I drink.

 

Dude, I didn’t even make it out of the dorms last night! = Dude, my girlfriend made me stay in and watch the Gilmore Girls season 1 DVD with her last night!

 

Now, seriously, who wants to watch a movie?

[Nicole]

haha! i think i heard just about every one of those last night

[AR Husker Fan]

Ah, but the question is - did any of 'em work?

[GSG]

I'm glad I never remember saying any of those... although it is guaranteed I have said them and much worse for that matter...

[Eric the Red]

That's funny

[BIGREDIOWAN]

So true!!!! I've said this before........."No I'm fine man I don't throw up when I drink............5 minutes later...........PULL THE CAR OVER PULL THE CAR OVER!!!!"

[Hawkeyehusker]

So true..