"....walks into a bar" jokes

[Silent Commit]

My two favorite "bar" jokes are...

 

A priest, rabbi and evangelical minister walk into a bar and the bartender says "hey, is this some sort of joke!"

 

or this one

 

A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says "hey, we got a drink named after you". And the grasshopper replies "really, you have a drink named Steve?"

 

Just wondering if anyone else has "bar" jokes to share!!

[DJR313]

Two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducks.

[Necava Husker]

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Hey, why the long face?"

[Silent Commit]

A man walks into a bar with an alligator and a walking cane. The bartender says, "Hey, you can't bring that animal in here!". The man replies, "he's competely harmless...look, I'll show you one of his tricks". He then precedes to unfasten his zipper and take out his d^ck. Taking his walking cane, he hits the alligator on top of its head. The alligator opens his mouth. The man puts his d^ck in the alligator's mouth and hits him again with the cane. The alligator closes its mouth. Then, once again, the man hits the alligator on top of its head with the cane, and the alligator opens its mouth - revealing that the man's penis doesn't have a scratch on it!! The man cries out to the amazed crowd, "would anyone else like to try?". An old woman replies "I would...but please don't hit me with the stick!!"

[papersun87]

A C, an Eb, and a G walk into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, we don't serve minors here!"

 

/lame musician joke

[Drowning_in_the_Sea_of_Red]

These two strings walk up to a bar. The first string walks in and orders and the bartender throws him out and yells "I don't serve strings in this bar."

 

The other string ruffs himself up on the street and curls up and orders. The bartender shouts, "Hey, didn't you hear what I told your buddy?"

 

The string says "Yeah."

 

The bartender says, "aren't you a string?"

 

The string says, "No, I'm a frayed knot..."

 

*BA-DUM CHSSSH*

[Necava Husker]

A duck walks into a bar and says to the bartender "Got any grapes?" The bartender says "No, I don't have any grapes." The duck walks out, sorely disappointed.

 

Next day, the duck walks back into the bar, asks the same question. Gets the same answer.

 

The third day the duck again returns and asks the bartender, "Do you have any grapes?" The bartender, tired of this routine, angrily shouts, "No, and if you come back in here tomorrow and ask me if I have any grapes, I WILL NAIL YOUR BILL TO THE BAR!"

 

The duck frowns, turns around, and walks out of the bar.

 

So the next day, the duck walks back into the bar, and asks the bartender "Got any nails?"

 

Perplexed, the bartender answers "No."

 

So the duck says "Got any grapes?"

[California Husker]

A woman walks into a bar with a duck under her arm.

The bartender says "That is one ugly pig."

The woman says "That's not a pig, it's a duck."

The bartender says "I was talking to the duck."

[Silent Commit]

A pony walks into a bar and whispers "Bartender, may I have a drink?"

 

The bartender says "What? I can't hear you. Speak up!"

 

The pony whispers again "May I please have a drink, sir?"

 

"What? You have to speak up!"

 

Then, again, in a barely audible voice, the pony asks "Could I please have a drink?"

 

The bartender says "Now listen, if you don't speak up I will not serve you."

 

Replies the pony, "I'm sorry, I'm just a little hoarse"

[ohiohusker]

A little guy is sitting at the bar just staring at his drink for half an

hour when this big trouble-making biker steps next to him, grabs his

drink and gulps it down in one swig. The poor little guy starts

crying. 'Come on man. I was just giving you a hard time, the biker

says. 'I didn't think you'd CRY.' 'I can't stand to see a man crying.'

This is the worst day of my life,' says the little guy between sobs. 'I

can't do anything right.' 'I overslept and was late to an important

meeting, so my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car

was stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab

I took home. I found my wife in bed with the gardener and my dog bit me.

So I came to this bar trying to work up the courage to put an end to my

life, and then you show up and drink the damn poison.'

[rawhide]

[AR Husker Fan]

[husker rob]

Drowning was sitting on the street curb outside a bar one day crying. i stopped and asked him what was wrong and he said that a guy came into the bar and put a gun to his head and said "Suck my D!ck or I'll blow your head off."

 

I told Drowning not to worry about it, we all have to do things that we dont want to from time to time, so he should stop crying.

 

Drowning replied, "I'm Crying because I liked it"

[husker rob]

Drowning walked into a bar and ordered a shot of wiskey, the bartender poored the drink and Drowning slamed it down, and ordered another one. The bartender poored the next, and the same thing happened.

 

The bartender asked Drowning why he wanted another one, and Drowing says I just got my first BlowJob. The bartender said that is great, let me buy you another wiskey, Drowing replyed "Do you have anything stronger, I am trying to get the taste out of my mouth"

[T_O_Bull]

Blind man walks into a bar.