hskrmama Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee. Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box. Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week. Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl. And her husband is on the back of the milk carton. WOMEN'S REVENGE "Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked. "No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally." UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE) I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider. MARRIAGE SEMINAR While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes." He addressed the man, "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?" Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it? CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife? He answers, " You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own ......... so does she. ( I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton! ) WIFE VS. HUSBAND A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws." W O R D S A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men... The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?" CREATION A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time. " The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you! WHO DOES WHAT A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee." The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee." Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.........."HEBREWS" The Silent Treatment A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed hi s flight. Furious, he was about to go and see! why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up." Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests. God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece. SEND THIS TO SMART WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH AND TO MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT ! Quote Link to comment
BIGREDIOWAN Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 I love the in-laws comment and the rolling her own part!! Quote Link to comment
Roxy Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 Thx for the laugh:) good ones:) Quote Link to comment
Chef K Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 "Smart Women"? and just were would they be exactly? Quote Link to comment
T_O_Bull Posted February 26, 2008 Share Posted February 26, 2008 WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee. Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box. Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week. Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl. And her husband is on the back of the milk carton. My picture has been on the back of a milk carton for about 30 years now. I've been hiding out in Costa Rica with the 1975 Plamate of the year and three Hooters Girls who followed me home one night. Glad to hear my wife is enjoying her coffee and cereal. Didn't know we had a daughter but I guess that's what pin up boys are for. >>>T_O_B Quote Link to comment
HuskerNCo Posted February 26, 2008 Share Posted February 26, 2008 Papersun87 you always post crap like that...tell us you are just kidding and that you like the female race..just once. We are not all evil ex-wives after all. You would not be here if not for us. And I am assuming you are a male species of some sort. Quote Link to comment
AR Husker Fan Posted February 26, 2008 Share Posted February 26, 2008 Papersun87 you always post crap like that...tell us you are just kidding and that you like the female race..just once. We are not all evil ex-wives yet after all.You would not be here if not for us. And I am assuming you are a male species of some sort. Fixed it for ya... Quote Link to comment
Drowning_in_the_Sea_of_Red Posted February 26, 2008 Share Posted February 26, 2008 A lady tells her husband to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. He walks down to the store only to find it closed. So he goes into a nearby bar to use the vending machine. At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her. They have a couple of beers and one thing leads to another and they end up in her apartment. After they've had their fun, he realizes its 3am and says, "Oh no, its so late, my wife's going to kill me. Have you got any talcum powder?" She gives him some talcum powder, which he proceeds to rub on his hands and then he goes home. His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and she is pretty angry. "Where the hell have you been?" "Well, honey, it's like this. I went to the store like you asked, but they were closed. So I went to the bar to use the vending machine. I saw this great looking girl there and we had a few drinks and one thing led to another and I ended up in bed with her." "Oh yeah? Let me see Your hands!" She sees his hands are covered with powder and... "You damned liar!!! You were playing pool again!!!" *See, men still win. Quote Link to comment
HuskerNCo Posted February 26, 2008 Share Posted February 26, 2008 You do not even know, although I do not think I would be evil. Quit fixing my posts... Quote Link to comment
HuskerNCo Posted February 26, 2008 Share Posted February 26, 2008 A lady tells her husband to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. He walks down to the store only to find it closed. So he goes into a nearby bar to use the vending machine. At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her. They have a couple of beers and one thing leads to another and they end up in her apartment. After they've had their fun, he realizes its 3am and says, "Oh no, its so late, my wife's going to kill me. Have you got any talcum powder?" She gives him some talcum powder, which he proceeds to rub on his hands and then he goes home. His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and she is pretty angry. "Where the hell have you been?" "Well, honey, it's like this. I went to the store like you asked, but they were closed. So I went to the bar to use the vending machine. I saw this great looking girl there and we had a few drinks and one thing led to another and I ended up in bed with her." "Oh yeah? Let me see Your hands!" She sees his hands are covered with powder and... "You damned liar!!! You were playing pool again!!!" *See, men still win. Silly you. Quote Link to comment
ohiohusker Posted February 26, 2008 Share Posted February 26, 2008 Geez, these guys are in rare form tonight, aren't they? Quote Link to comment
BIGREDIOWAN Posted February 26, 2008 Share Posted February 26, 2008 Papersun87 you always post crap like that...tell us you are just kidding and that you like the female race..just once. We are not all evil ex-wives after all. You would not be here if not for us. And I am assuming you are a male species of some sort. Come on now....................he wouldn't be here if it wasn't for the male race either. It's a cooperative effort kinda thing. I for one love the female race and think the female is one of the most beautiful things on earth. You guys can't tell me there is something out there that is more beautiful looking than the female form?! Quote Link to comment
hskrmama Posted February 26, 2008 Author Share Posted February 26, 2008 "Smart Women"? and just were would they be exactly? Not with a man, that's for sure. Quote Link to comment
hskrmama Posted February 26, 2008 Author Share Posted February 26, 2008 WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee. Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box. Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week. Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl. And her husband is on the back of the milk carton. My picture has been on the back of a milk carton for about 30 years now. I've been hiding out in Costa Rica with the 1975 Plamate of the year and three Hooters Girls who followed me home one night. Glad to hear my wife is enjoying her coffee and cereal. Didn't know we had a daughter but I guess that's what pin up boys are for. >>>T_O_B Maybe she's not your daughter? Quote Link to comment
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