Cy the Cyclone Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 Official Memo to the NCAA Subject: Parity in the Big 12 North Dear NCAA This is to inform you that the Iowa State University football program did not receive its allotted shipment of parity for the 2007 football season. Not only did the Cyclones not receive its allocation of parity, but, we have come to suspect that said parity was actually divided and then diverted to the University of Kansas, Missouri and Colorado. This is the only way that their success during 2007 football seasons can be explained. While our official investigators here in Ames cannot say for certain if this is a result of your organization’s bumbling incompetence (though there is ample precedent and examples which do, in fact, attest to your history of bumbling incompetence) or if it is due to the underhanded hijacking of said shipments by the aforementioned schools (who also have a documented history of such cheap tricks and stunts). As a law-abiding university we demand that Iowa State University receives its fully allotted shipment of parity for the 2008 football season. If, for any reason, the Cyclones show any signs of lack of competitiveness in the Big 12 North in 2008 we shall be forced to assign all blame to the NCAA and proceed with legal actions including but not limited to: All ISU Football Games will be declared “Home” games and be played in Ames – Over the past 6 years, ISU has a record of 25 – 15 for home games and a record of 5 – 28 when away. All games will be played in Ames in order to improve the parity deficit. Academic eligibity standards for all school in the Big 12 North will be raised to maintaining a 1.5 grade point average (thus eliminating teams from CU and MU while severely depleting KU’s roster). Schools unable to field a football team after these standards are instituted will be replaced with academically approved schools including but not limited to Drake, Creighton and Minnesota State… Any team finishing above ISU in the standings will be investigated and, if found to be complicit in the theft of ISU’s share of parity, will be removed from the Big 12 North immediately and transferred to the SEC. These teams will be replaced with regional teams from weak divisions including, but not limited to Minnesota, Wyoming and Colorado School of Mines… Teams found in possession of the parity meant for ISU will be barred from recruiting in any state other than Alaska though recruiting in any country that ends in “stan” will still be allowed. Thank you very much for your time. Hoping for a successful and exciting 2008-2009 football season. Cy the Cyclone Self Proclaimed Athletic Dictator Big Red Bird Mascot Thingie & Guy That Holds The Yard Marker Every Now and Then Quote Link to comment
JOE-HUSKER Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 Fantastic. I live in Des Moines and my cyclone friends will get a kick out of this. At least those with a sense of humor. Quote Link to comment
HuskerTrucker Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 Official Memo to the NCAA Subject: Parity in the Big 12 North Dear NCAA This is to inform you that the Iowa State University football program did not receive its allotted shipment of parity for the 2007 football season. Not only did the Cyclones not receive its allocation of parity, but, we have come to suspect that said parity was actually divided and then diverted to the University of Kansas, Missouri and Colorado. This is the only way that their success during 2007 football seasons can be explained. While our official investigators here in Ames cannot say for certain if this is a result of your organization’s bumbling incompetence (though there is ample precedent and examples which do, in fact, attest to your history of bumbling incompetence) or if it is due to the underhanded hijacking of said shipments by the aforementioned schools (who also have a documented history of such cheap tricks and stunts). As a law-abiding university we demand that Iowa State University receives its fully allotted shipment of parity for the 2008 football season. If, for any reason, the Cyclones show any signs of lack of competitiveness in the Big 12 North in 2008 we shall be forced to assign all blame to the NCAA and proceed with legal actions including but not limited to: All ISU Football Games will be declared “Home” games and be played in Ames – Over the past 6 years, ISU has a record of 25 – 15 for home games and a record of 5 – 28 when away. All games will be played in Ames in order to improve the parity deficit. Academic eligibity standards for all school in the Big 12 North will be raised to maintaining a 1.5 grade point average (thus eliminating teams from CU and MU while severely depleting KU’s roster). Schools unable to field a football team after these standards are instituted will be replaced with academically approved schools including but not limited to Drake, Creighton and Minnesota State… Any team finishing above ISU in the standings will be investigated and, if found to be complicit in the theft of ISU’s share of parity, will be removed from the Big 12 North immediately and transferred to the SEC. These teams will be replaced with regional teams from weak divisions including, but not limited to Minnesota, Wyoming and Colorado School of Mines… Teams found in possession of the parity meant for ISU will be barred from recruiting in any state other than Alaska though recruiting in any country that ends in “stan” will still be allowed. Thank you very much for your time. Hoping for a successful and exciting 2008-2009 football season. Cy the Cyclone Self Proclaimed Athletic Dictator Big Red Bird Mascot Thingie & Guy That Holds The Yard Marker Every Now and Then Cy....you outdid yourself, Buddy....but just because I like you, not Iowa State, I will support your idea, as long as the Huskers get some kind of exemption, I don't want the Huskers to be transferred to the SEC after we finish ahead of your Cyclones. I think we missed some of that parity last year too... Quote Link to comment
JHaWk Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 Colorado School of Mines.....lol Was NU's share of parity divided and given to KU MU and CU as well? Quote Link to comment
HuskerTrucker Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 Colorado School of Mines.....lol Was NU's share of parity divided and given to KU MU and CU as well? Actually, I think Appalachian State got it.... Quote Link to comment
johnny_husker Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 Academic eligibity standards for all school in the Big 12 North will be raised to maintaining a 1.5 grade point average (thus eliminating teams from CU and MU while severely depleting KU’s roster). Schools unable to field a football team after these standards are instituted will be replaced with academically approved schools including but not limited to Drake, Creighton and Minnesota State… OMG that is too funny!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment
HUSKER 37 Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 Teams found in possession of the parity meant for ISU will be barred from recruiting in any state other than Alaska though recruiting in any country that ends in “stan” will still be allowed. Car Bomb Defense? Quote Link to comment
robsker Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 CY: This board really needs to have you as a regular writer of full length stories --- special features of the Big 12 Self Proclaimed Athletic Dictator --- and we can place that Big Red Bird Mascot Thingie next to your name each time. You are doubtless an excellent writer and truly entertaining. Keep them coming --- that was a great read. Quote Link to comment
jayhawk Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 Colorado School of Mines.....lol Was NU's share of parity divided and given to KU MU and CU as well? I went to Mines... Be nice :'( You make the baby Jesus cry with your taunting of my academically minded brethren... Very funny stuff Cy... Quote Link to comment
hack Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 Colorado School of Mines.....lol Was NU's share of parity divided and given to KU MU and CU as well? Actually, I think Appalachian State got it.... all of it actually. Quote Link to comment
hack Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 [...] Schools unable to field a football team after these standards are instituted will be replaced with academically approved schools including but not limited to Drake, Creighton and Minnesota State… out of the three school, the football program that offers the least amount of trouble for Iowa State is Creighton. Quote Link to comment
HuskerTrucker Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 CY: This board really needs to have you as a regular writer of full length stories --- special features of the Big 12 Self Proclaimed Athletic Dictator --- and we can place that Big Red Bird Mascot Thingie next to your name each time. You are doubtless an excellent writer and truly entertaining. Keep them coming --- that was a great read. Gets my vote!!!! Quote Link to comment
HuskerTrucker Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 Colorado School of Mines.....lol Was NU's share of parity divided and given to KU MU and CU as well? I went to Mines... Be nice :'( You make the baby Jesus cry with your taunting of my academically minded brethren... Very funny stuff Cy... Do they teach how to drill someone there or what...if so, I would think they would have a lot of good defensive football players or porn stars come out of there.... Quote Link to comment
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