And then the fight started.....

[HUSKER 37]

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace

 

expensive....

 

 

 

So, I took her to a gas station..... And then the fight started....

 

 

 

****

 

My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were

 

in bed.

 

 

 

I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have sex?'

 

 

 

'No,' she answered.

 

 

 

I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'

 

 

 

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying 'Yes.'

 

 

 

So I said, 'Then I'd like to phone a friend.'

 

 

 

And then the fight started....

 

 

 

********

 

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social

 

Security.

 

 

 

The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my

 

age.

 

 

 

I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.

 

 

 

I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and

 

come back later

 

 

 

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.

 

 

 

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

 

 

 

She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me'

 

And she processed my Social Security application.

 

 

 

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the

 

Social Security office.

 

 

 

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants.

 

You might have gotten Disability, too'

 

 

 

And then the fight started.....

 

 

 

*******

 

 

 

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed

 

the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.

 

I loaded my Trikke into the truck, and proceeded to back out into a

 

torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the

 

garage, turned

 

on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

 

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.

 

I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and

 

whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'

 

 

 

My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is

 

out Trikkin' in that?'

 

 

 

And that's how the fight started ...

 

 

 

**************

 

 

 

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I

 

kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at

 

a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

 

 

 

'Yes,' I sighed, 'she's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking

 

right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been

 

sober since.'

 

 

 

'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating

 

that long?'

 

 

 

And then the fight started.....

 

 

 

********************

 

 

 

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and

 

slowly the other driver got out of his car.

 

 

 

You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and Little things just

 

seem funny?

 

 

 

Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!!

 

 

 

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY! !!'

 

 

 

So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'

 

 

 

And then the fight started.....

 

 

 

************************

 

 

 

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order

 

first.

 

 

 

'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'

 

 

 

He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'

 

 

 

'Nah, she can order for herself.'

 

 

 

And then the fight started.....

 

 

 

**************************

 

 

 

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

 

She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,

 

'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a

 

compliment.'

 

 

 

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's darn near perfect.'

 

 

 

And then the fight started.....

[sarge87]

That's pretty good if it took that much to get a fight started.

 

I usually just had to be in the same room.

[rawhide]

[husker rob]

awesome

[I See Red People]

[dustinl15]

Those just made my day.

[TXHSKR]

LMAO

[T_O_Bull]

[redout22]

The dwarf one is good!

[Husker Runner]

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

 

She said, "I'd like something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds."

 

So I bought her a scale.

 

And then the fight started...

[Husker Runner]

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.

 

Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.

 

I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

 

And then the fight started....

[Husker Runner]

My wife asked me if the dress she was wearing made her butt look big. I told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday.

 

And then the fight started...

[HUSKER 37]

My wife asked me if the dress she was wearing made her butt look big. I told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday.

 

And then the fight started...

 

THe DRESS doesn't make yer butt look big..

 

 

 

 

 

It's the cellulite

[HUSKER 37]

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies. Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.

 

The woman, sort of bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man 'Holy crap. That must be my husband!'

 

So the guy quickly jumped out of the bed; scared and naked he jumped out the window like a crazy man. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and then started to run as fast as he could to his car.

 

A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, 'I AM your husband!'

 

The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?'

 

And then the fight started...

[BIGREDIOWAN]

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies. Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.

 

The woman, sort of bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man 'Holy crap. That must be my husband!'

 

So the guy quickly jumped out of the bed; scared and naked he jumped out the window like a crazy man. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and then started to run as fast as he could to his car.

 

A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, 'I AM your husband!'

 

The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?'

 

And then the fight started...