Lies that Women tell

[husker rob]

Top 5 Lies that women tell

 

#5 He's just a friend

 

#4 I dont suck dick

 

#3 I'm Cumming

 

#2 I'm on my period

 

#1 This pu&&y is all yours

[BIGREDIOWAN]

I've heard a few of those before.................

[Drowning_in_the_Sea_of_Red]

Top 5 Lies that women tell

 

#3 I'm Cumming

 

 

I've heard a few of those before.................

 

That doesn't surprise me one bit, BRI...

[BIGREDIOWAN]

Top 5 Lies that women tell

 

#3 I'm Cumming

 

 

I've heard a few of those before.................

 

That doesn't surprise me one bit, BRI...

Well you wouldn't know because you have to actually be with a women to know some of those lies. I mean you probably lie to yourself after you get yourself drunk, take advantage of yourself, and then don't call yourself the next day.

[rawhide]

Nine words women use

 

 

1. Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

 

2. Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

 

3. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

 

4. Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

 

5. Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of no thing)

 

6. That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

 

7. Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome.

 

8. Whatever: Is a women's way of saying F@!K YOU!

 

9. Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response refer to #3.

 

*Send this to the men you know, to warn them about arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology.

 

A ER nurse friend of mine sent that to me the other day and I had an epiphany about my first two marriages.

[HUSKER 37]

Nine words women use

 

 

1. Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

 

2. Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

 

3. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

 

4. Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

 

5. Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of no thing)

 

6. That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

 

7. Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome.

 

8. Whatever: Is a women's way of saying F@!K YOU!

 

9. Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response refer to #3.

 

*Send this to the men you know, to warn them about arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology.

 

A ER nurse friend of mine sent that to me the other day and I had an epiphany about my first two marriages.

 

Expanded..

 

1. “Fine”

This is the word women use at the end of any argument

when they feel they are right but can’t stand to hear

you argue any longer. It means that you should shut

up. (NEVER use “fine” to describe how she looks.

This will cause you to have one of those arguments.)

 

2. “Five minutes”

This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five

minutes that your basketball game is going to last

before you take out the trash, so women feel that

it’s an even trade.

 

3. “Nothing”

“Nothing” means something and you should be on your

toes. “Nothing” is usually used to describe the

feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out,

upside down, and backwards. “Nothing” usually

signifies an argument that will last “Five Minutes”

and end with the word “Fine.”

 

4. “Go Ahead” (with raised eyebrows)

This is NOT permission; it’s a dare! If you mistake it

for permission, the result will be that the woman will

get upset over “Nothing” and you’ll have a

“five-minute” discussion that will end with the word

“Fine.”

 

5. “Go Ahead” (normal eyebrows)

this is NOT permission, either. It means “I give up”

or “do what you want because I don’t care.” You will

get a raised eyebrow “Go Ahead” in just a few minutes,

followed by “Nothing” and “Fine” and she will talk to

you in about “Five Minutes” when she cools off.

 

6. “Loud Sigh”

This is not actually a word, but is still often a

verbal statement very frequently misunderstood by men.

A “Loud Sigh” means she thinks you are a complete

idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing

here and arguing with you over “Nothing.”

 

7. “Soft Sigh”

Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. “Soft

Sighs” are one of the few things that some men

actually understand. It means she is momentarily

content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe in

the hope that the moment will last a bit longer.

 

8. “Oh”

This word — followed by any statement — is

trouble. Example; “Oh, let me get that”. Or, “Oh, I

talked to him about what you were doing last night.”

If she says “Oh” before a statement, run, do not walk,

to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is

“Fine” when she is done tossing your clothes out the

window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at

least two days. (”Oh” as the lead to a sentence

usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not

try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get a

raised eyebrows “Go ahead”, sometimes followed by acts

so unspeakable that I can’t bring myself to write

about them.)

 

9. “That’s Okay”

This is one of the most dangerous statements that a

woman can say to a man. “That’s Okay” means that she

wants to think long and hard before decided what the

penalty will be for whatever you have done. “That’s

Okay” is often used with the word “Fine” and in

conjunction with a raised eyebrow “Go Ahead”. Once

she has had time to plan it out, you are in for some

mighty big trouble.

 

10. “Please Do”

This is not a statement, it is an offer. The woman is

giving you the chance to come up with an excuse for

what you have done. In other words, a chance to get

yourself into even more trouble. If you handle this

correctly, you shouldn’t get a “That’s Okay.”

 

11. “Thanks”

The woman is thanking you. Don’t faint and don’t look

for hidden meaning. Just say “you’re welcome.”

 

12. “Thanks A Lot”

“Thanks A Lot” is dramatically different from

“Thanks.” A woman will say “Thanks A Lot” when she is

really ticked off at you. It is usually followed by

the “Loud Sigh.” This signifies that you have hurt her

in some callous way. Be careful not to ask what is

wrong after the “Loud Sigh,” as she will only tell you

“Nothing.”

[rawhide]

[HUSKER 37]

Why Men are NOT allowed to write advice columns...

 

Dear Joe:

 

I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband, Fred, in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a few hundred yards down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help.

 

When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was parading in front of the wardrobe mirror dressed in my underwear and high-heel shoes, and he was wearing my make up.

 

I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years. When I confronted him, he tried to make out that he had dressed in my lingerie because he couldn't find his own underwear. But when I asked him about the make up, he broke down and admitted that he'd been wearing my clothes for six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him.

 

He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. I don't feel I can get through to him anymore. Can you please help?

 

Sincerely,

Ms. Mary Carter

PS - here's a picture of Fred at a San Antonio bar...

Dear Mary:

 

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber. I hope this helps.

 

Joe

[HUSKER 37]

Alaska Marriage License

[HuskerNCo]

THAT'S FUNNY!!!

 

Some days I could even live with that arrangement...

[papersun87]

Nine words women use

 

 

1. Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

 

2. Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

 

3. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

 

4. Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

 

5. Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of no thing)

 

6. That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

 

7. Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome.

 

8. Whatever: Is a women's way of saying F@!K YOU!

 

9. Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response refer to #3.

 

*Send this to the men you know, to warn them about arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology.

 

A ER nurse friend of mine sent that to me the other day and I had an epiphany about my first two marriages.

That's what she said!

 

Oh my, I've been waiting to use that for so long . . .

[BIGREDFAN_in_OMAHA]

So do lesbians live in happy bliss?

[Drowning_in_the_Sea_of_Red]

Top 5 Lies that women tell

 

#3 I'm Cumming

 

 

I've heard a few of those before.................

 

That doesn't surprise me one bit, BRI...

Well you wouldn't know because you have to actually be with a women to know some of those lies. I mean you probably lie to yourself after you get yourself drunk, take advantage of yourself, and then don't call yourself the next day.

Why'd you have to do that, BRI? You know I have self-esteem issues! *runs away crying*

[BIGREDIOWAN]

Top 5 Lies that women tell

 

#3 I'm Cumming

 

 

I've heard a few of those before.................

 

That doesn't surprise me one bit, BRI...

Well you wouldn't know because you have to actually be with a women to know some of those lies. I mean you probably lie to yourself after you get yourself drunk, take advantage of yourself, and then don't call yourself the next day.

Why'd you have to do that, BRI? You know I have self-esteem issues! *runs away crying*