Men vs Women

[huKSer]

Man: Yeah, I clocked in five minutes late.

 

Woman: This morning I woke up at 7:05 even though I went to bed at 11, after a gin and tonic. Well, OK, it was my third, but whose counting? I must have pushed the snooze button 4 times instead of the normal 3 times, except on weekends when of course I let it go up to 5 times. I hurried up in the shower but I did get some shampoo in my eyes - boy did that burn! I really should go back to Baby Shampoo, but it really doesn't help with my split ends. When I got out I was going to wear the mauve top, but thought that Lisa might also wear hers, so I switched to my rust top. For breakfast I was going to have a bagel but that damn scale said I was up 1.2 pounds, so I had to go with plain yogurt. On the way to work some jerk in a burnt orange Oldsmobile cut me off, so then I hit 6 red lights. I normally hit 3 red lights at the most, unless its raining or god forbid snow. I really hate driving in snow, but that is a lot better than driving on ice. One time 4 winters ago it took me 45 minutes to get to work - can you believe it? 45 minutes! Anyway when I got to work I had to say hello to the front desk clerk - if I don't she will hate me and not forward any of my messages for a day or two - the b1tch! But I have to be kissy-kissy with her because I heard she and one of the VPs, you know the one that looks like McDreamy on Gray's Anatomy - anyway I heard they got caught half naked in the copy room last week. Well, anyway, I clocked in five minutes late.

[AR Husker Fan]

ATM Procedures - Men v. Women

 

MALE PROCEDURE:

 

1.Drive up to the cash machine.

2.Put down your car window.

3.Insert card into machine and enter PIN.

4.Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.

5.Retrieve card, cash and receipt.

6.Put window up.

7.Drive off.

 

FEMALE PROCEDURE:

1.Drive up to cash machine.

2.Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.

3.Set parking brake, put the window down.

4.Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.

5.Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up

6.Attempt to insert card into machine.

7.Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.

8.Insert card.

9.Re-insert card the right way.

10.Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.

11.Enter PIN.

12.Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.

13.Enter amount of cash required.

14.Check makeup in rear view mirror.

15.Retrieve cash and receipt.

16.Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.

17.Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.

18.Re-check makeup.

19.Drive forward 2 feet.

20.Reverse back to cash machine.

21.Retrieve card.

22.Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.

23.Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.

24.Restart stalled engine and pull off.

25.Redial person on cell phone.

26.Drive for 2 to 3 miles.

27.Release Parking Brake.

[knapplc]

Here's a classic:

 

[Bradr]

Showering: Man vs Woman

 

[Bradr]

[The Dude]

Showering: Man vs Woman

 

[ADS]

Men:

-Wake up (after pressing snooze button atleast twice)

-Take 5 minute shower

-Put on deodorant

-Brush teeth

-Get dressed

-Ready for the day

 

Women:

-Wake up

-Take 15 minute shower

-Wait for hair to dry

-Take 20 minutes to do make-up

-Take another 15 minutes to do hair

-Stand in closet for 10 minutes trying to figure out what to wear

-Finally figure out what to wear

-Change mind

-Pick out another outfit

-Mind is made up

-Ready to go

-Forget purse/keys

-Now ready to go

 

(How my girlfriend's morning usually goes)

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