Cy the Cyclone Posted May 13, 2008 Share Posted May 13, 2008 Mock League Key Matchups & Analysis: With the lineups set for the opening kickoff on Saturday, it’s time to go over Cy’s Keys To The Game” with a position by position comparison. Today the offense: QB White: huskerjock - 6'0"; 191 lbs Red: HuskerfaninOkieland-5'8" 180lbs The QB match up is a classic contest of physical versus mental….ah…no it’s not. They’re both little dinky guys who a huge ex-jock commentator like me could slide under a door. If game day is windy, don’t be surprised if these guys gain 500 yards just by being propelled by wind gusts…matter of fact, a big part of the game plan might be if one of their linemen just pick them up and throw both the QB and the ball downfield like a javelin. Both have good arm strength if they should actually have a chance to throw the ball. Hours and hours of voluntary arm strengthening exercises have paid off. Both men are capable of knocking their offensive linemen down with bullet like passes directly into their backs. Both are capable scramblers…running madly for their lives much like a pair of cockroaches running from a shoe that is about to crush them. Advantage – Even HB White: papersun87 - 5'9.5"; 195 lbs Red: hskrpwr13 - 6'2; 200 Two contrasting running styles are featured by the teams. papersun87 relies on speed and slashing ability to get to the outside…before tripping over his feet and falling down for no gain. hskrpwr12 likes to use his size to bull up the middle…before tripping over his feet and falling down for no gain. Both backs will be relied on heavily to give the defense something else to annihilate besides the QB. hskrpwr13 has an advantage in experience, having run away from home 6 times when he was a child (his parents quit looking for him after the 2nd time) but papersun87 has the better set of hands, setting a team record with diseases caught over the past year. Both have a tendency to curl up on the ground in a fetal position and yell “Mama!” when line play breaks down. The only experience either have with a block is when they get together and build things out of Legos… Advantage – Even FB White: Huskernumerouno 6'0" 215 Red: Drowning in the Sea of Red - 5'10" 225 NU doesn’t use their fullback for anything so this match up is kind of redundant. Apparently both coaches have picked the player most capable of doing nothing and stuck them in this position. Drowning in the Sea of Red has a bit of a technical advantage as he can get into a 3-point stance without bending over. Once in his stance though, he can’t get back up…but he has found lots of spare change while stuck that way. Huskernumerouno is a fan favorite…not because of his playing ability (of which he has damn little) but because his name has Uno at the end. Whenever he touches the ball the fans yell “UNO” and take a big swig from their favorite adult beverages, including himself. After about seven touches, nobody cares much about him anymore. Advantage – Even WR White: huskerinkc- 6', 195 lbs Strigori - 6'1" 175 lbs Red: Dundermuffinguy - 6'1'' 170lbs jonnyhuska - 5'11" 175 lbs Think back to when you were 4 or 5 years old and were told by your kindergarten teacher to draw a picture of your family. Remember the cute stick figures you lovingly drew out? These guys are those stick figures. Dundermuffinguy was originally slated for the White team but once he put on his white helmet and shoes, everyone mistook him for a walking Quetip so he was transferred to the Red team to team with fellow WR jonnyhuska. The Red team employs their pass receivers in what they call the “Cookie Formation” which is just a nice way of saying that both their receivers are crummy. The White WR’s also play a major part in the game plan. Huskerinkc plays the “left out” position while Strigori is a converted halfback who was curious to see what “man on man coverage” was all about. On the rare occasions when either QB actually gets the ball over the heads of the linemen you can count on all four of these guys to probably be on the sidelines playing Texas Hold Em and drinking warm beer. Advantage - Even TE White: Huskerfan500; 6'4'' 195 lbs Red: I See Red People - 5'10" 225lbs Face it…the only reason these two players became Tight Ends was because they wanted to emulate their idol and league commissioner…Cy the Cyclone. Huskerfan500 specializes in clipping and can usually be found in the locker room before games trimming up the hair of his teammates as he attempts to achieve his goal of owning a Great Clips franchise someday. I See Red People’s dream of stardom started in 8th grade when he refused to pay for a movie for his girlfriend who told him he was a major “tight ass” and then dumped him for the pimply dork that ran the junior high A/V club. Because of his strict upbringing tight ass has been translated to tight end for I See Red People and he is doing his best to live up to it. Just don’t try to borrow his jock itch medication. Neither of these guys would be worth a drop of sweat running between Cy’s ass cheeks…but they try real hard…uh…not to get between my ass cheeks but…uh….never mind... Advantage – Even OL White: C BigBL87 - 6'5" 275 lbs G PIMPZILLA - 6' 4"; 250 lbs G mtsamuelson - 6'2; 225 lbs T BGREDSTUCKN IA - 6'3" 240LBS T Husker N TX- 6'3 1/2" 245 Red: C M-247gunner - 6' 4" 260 lbs G Jayhawk - 6'8" 252lbs G Touchdown Tommie - 6' 225lbs T sarge87 - 6'0" 325 lbs T Huskermatt - 5'11: 227 The offensive lines are the strength of both of these teams…and considering the glaring deficiencies of the rest of the team…that’s not saying much. The White team will run most of their offense out of the shotgun formation…mainly because BigBL87 doesn’t want huskerjock touching his ass…Pimpzilla and mtsamuelson are like rocks at the guard spots…and almost as fast, while BGREDSTUCKN IA and Husker N TX are the bookends for the line, which is pretty apt considering all the time they spent holding books up without actually opening one. The White OL is lean and mean but have some trouble focusing. Shiny objects distract them and, on more than one occasion they have left the QB totally unprotected while they chased after a pretty butterfly…. The Red OL features Jayhawk, the tallest player in the league…and also the biggest obstruction to the passing game as most passes to his side of the field tend to bounce off his helmet. Red blinking lights have been installed on his head to warn off low-flying airplanes. The line also features M-247gunner (who doesn’t mind having his ass touched by the QB) at center, Touchdown Tommie at guard along with sarge87 and Huskermatt at tackle. Sarge87 plays his position sideline to sideline….without having to move…wearing out opponents who have to run the equivalent of a trip around the world to get around him. Touchdown Tommie plays with the reckless abandon of someone with a chip on his shoulder and can often be heard muttering “Dammit…Tommie Frazier never had to play on no damn line….” Huskermatt gets walked on a lot and is considering a name change Advantage – Even Kicking Game The White Team has named NO kickers on their roster which is probably to their advantage considering who the Red team has doing the booting. But it’s going to be a pretty boring game when White loses the coin toss and has to kick off…. Advantage – Red After an in-depth study of both offensive squads, it appears that Red has a .000007 advantage over White for the upcoming game. Check in later for the breakdown of the defenses. Quote Link to comment
HuskerfaninOkieland Posted May 13, 2008 Share Posted May 13, 2008 QB White: huskerjock - 6'0"; 191 lbs Red: HuskerfaninOkieland-5'8" 180lbs The QB match up is a classic contest of physical versus mental….ah…no it’s not. They’re both little dinky guys who a huge ex-jock commentator like me could slide under a door. If game day is windy, don’t be surprised if these guys gain 500 yards just by being propelled by wind gusts…matter of fact, a big part of the game plan might be if one of their linemen just pick them up and throw both the QB and the ball downfield like a javelin. Both have good arm strength if they should actually have a chance to throw the ball. Hours and hours of voluntary arm strengthening exercises have paid off. Both men are capable of knocking their offensive linemen down with bullet like passes directly into their backs. Both are capable scramblers…running madly for their lives much like a pair of cockroaches running from a shoe that is about to crush them. Advantage – Even I'm better looking though Quote Link to comment
AR Husker Fan Posted May 13, 2008 Share Posted May 13, 2008 Mock League Key Matchups & Analysis: With the lineups set for the opening kickoff on Saturday, it’s time to go over Cy’s Keys To The Game” with a position by position comparison. Today the offense: ***SNIP*** HB White: papersun87 - 5'9.5"; 195 lbs Red: hskrpwr13 - 6'2; 200 Two contrasting running styles are featured by the teams. papersun87 relies on speed and slashing ability to get to the outside…before tripping over his feet and falling down for no gain. hskrpwr12 likes to use his size to bull up the middle…before tripping over his feet and falling down for no gain. Both backs will be relied on heavily to give the defense something else to annihilate besides the QB. hskrpwr13 has an advantage in experience, having run away from home 6 times when he was a child (his parents quit looking for him after the 2nd time) but papersun87 has the better set of hands, setting a team record with diseases caught over the past year. Both have a tendency to curl up on the ground in a fetal position and yell “Mama!” when line play breaks down. The only experience either have with a block is when they get together and build things out of Legos… Advantage – Even ***SNIP*** Quote Link to comment
huskerfan500 Posted May 13, 2008 Share Posted May 13, 2008 I added myself as a punter and Strigori as the kicker Quote Link to comment
jonnyhuska Posted May 13, 2008 Share Posted May 13, 2008 haha great stuff...but hey im working on my weight issue, hopefully i'll be up to 180 soon!! Quote Link to comment
papersun87 Posted May 13, 2008 Share Posted May 13, 2008 HB White: papersun87 - 5'9.5"; 195 lbs Red: hskrpwr13 - 6'2; 200 Two contrasting running styles are featured by the teams. papersun87 relies on speed and slashing ability to get to the outside…before tripping over his feet and falling down for no gain. hskrpwr12 likes to use his size to bull up the middle…before tripping over his feet and falling down for no gain. Both backs will be relied on heavily to give the defense something else to annihilate besides the QB. hskrpwr13 has an advantage in experience, having run away from home 6 times when he was a child (his parents quit looking for him after the 2nd time) but papersun87 has the better set of hands, setting a team record with diseases caught over the past year. Both have a tendency to curl up on the ground in a fetal position and yell “Mama!” when line play breaks down. The only experience either have with a block is when they get together and build things out of Legos… Advantage – Even Hear that, Reds? Speed and slashing ability! Quote Link to comment
Drowning_in_the_Sea_of_Red Posted May 14, 2008 Share Posted May 14, 2008 HB White: papersun87 - 5'9.5"; 195 lbs Red: hskrpwr13 - 6'2; 200 Two contrasting running styles are featured by the teams. papersun87 relies on speed and slashing ability to get to the outside…before tripping over his feet and falling down for no gain. hskrpwr12 likes to use his size to bull up the middle…before tripping over his feet and falling down for no gain. Both backs will be relied on heavily to give the defense something else to annihilate besides the QB. hskrpwr13 has an advantage in experience, having run away from home 6 times when he was a child (his parents quit looking for him after the 2nd time) but papersun87 has the better set of hands, setting a team record with diseases caught over the past year. Both have a tendency to curl up on the ground in a fetal position and yell “Mama!” when line play breaks down. The only experience either have with a block is when they get together and build things out of Legos… Advantage – Even Hear that, Reds? Speed and slashing ability! I can't wait for the first time that you try and juke me and I rip your head off! Quote Link to comment
jayhawk Posted May 14, 2008 Share Posted May 14, 2008 Hey, I wanted to get my ass touched by people, but I guess the lights will do... Quote Link to comment
huskernumerouno Posted May 14, 2008 Share Posted May 14, 2008 FB White: Huskernumerouno 6'0" 215 Red: Drowning in the Sea of Red - 5'10" 225 NU doesn't use their fullback for anything so this match up is kind of redundant. Apparently both coaches have picked the player most capable of doing nothing and stuck them in this position. Drowning in the Sea of Red has a bit of a technical advantage as he can get into a 3-point stance without bending over. Once in his stance though, he can't get back up-but he has found lots of spare change while stuck that way. Huskernumerouno is a fan favorite-not because of his playing ability (of which he has damn little) but because his name has Uno at the end. Whenever he touches the ball the fans yell "UNO" and take a big swig from their favorite adult beverages, including himself. After about seven touches, nobody cares much about him anymore. Advantage - Even That is some good stuff. Quote Link to comment
HuskerfaninOkieland Posted May 14, 2008 Share Posted May 14, 2008 HB White: papersun87 - 5'9.5"; 195 lbs Red: hskrpwr13 - 6'2; 200 Two contrasting running styles are featured by the teams. papersun87 relies on speed and slashing ability to get to the outside…before tripping over his feet and falling down for no gain. hskrpwr12 likes to use his size to bull up the middle…before tripping over his feet and falling down for no gain. Both backs will be relied on heavily to give the defense something else to annihilate besides the QB. hskrpwr13 has an advantage in experience, having run away from home 6 times when he was a child (his parents quit looking for him after the 2nd time) but papersun87 has the better set of hands, setting a team record with diseases caught over the past year. Both have a tendency to curl up on the ground in a fetal position and yell “Mama!” when line play breaks down. The only experience either have with a block is when they get together and build things out of Legos… Advantage – Even Hear that, Reds? Speed and slashing ability! I can't wait for the first time that you try and juke me and I rip your head off! Won't be necessary. Just go "BOO!!!" and he'll trip over his feet Quote Link to comment
BOBELIEVER Posted May 14, 2008 Share Posted May 14, 2008 HB White: papersun87 - 5'9.5"; 195 lbs Red: hskrpwr13 - 6'2; 200 Two contrasting running styles are featured by the teams. papersun87 relies on speed and slashing ability to get to the outside…before tripping over his feet and falling down for no gain. hskrpwr12 likes to use his size to bull up the middle…before tripping over his feet and falling down for no gain. Both backs will be relied on heavily to give the defense something else to annihilate besides the QB. hskrpwr13 has an advantage in experience, having run away from home 6 times when he was a child (his parents quit looking for him after the 2nd time) but papersun87 has the better set of hands, setting a team record with diseases caught over the past year. Both have a tendency to curl up on the ground in a fetal position and yell “Mama!” when line play breaks down. The only experience either have with a block is when they get together and build things out of Legos… Advantage – Even Hear that, Reds? Speed and slashing ability! with our stellar D ends we're not too worried about you getting to the outside, especially when you're busy performing faceplants tripping over yourself or getting blasted airborne for a 4-yard loss Quote Link to comment
huskernumerouno Posted May 14, 2008 Share Posted May 14, 2008 HB White: papersun87 - 5'9.5"; 195 lbs Red: hskrpwr13 - 6'2; 200 Two contrasting running styles are featured by the teams. papersun87 relies on speed and slashing ability to get to the outside…before tripping over his feet and falling down for no gain. hskrpwr12 likes to use his size to bull up the middle…before tripping over his feet and falling down for no gain. Both backs will be relied on heavily to give the defense something else to annihilate besides the QB. hskrpwr13 has an advantage in experience, having run away from home 6 times when he was a child (his parents quit looking for him after the 2nd time) but papersun87 has the better set of hands, setting a team record with diseases caught over the past year. Both have a tendency to curl up on the ground in a fetal position and yell “Mama!” when line play breaks down. The only experience either have with a block is when they get together and build things out of Legos… Advantage – Even Hear that, Reds? Speed and slashing ability! with our stellar D ends we're not too worried about you getting to the outside, especially when you're busy performing faceplants tripping over yourself or getting blasted airborne for a 4-yard loss papersun87, Just follow my devestating blocks and we will average 4 yards and a beer per carry Quote Link to comment
AZ4NE1 Posted May 14, 2008 Share Posted May 14, 2008 papersun87, Just follow my devestating blocks and we will average 4 yards and a beer per carry Our "New Offense"...Four yards and a cloud of dust can of beer? Quote Link to comment
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