Zac Lee still "succeeding"

[UGAHusker]

http://www.dailyernebraskan.com/article/za...fbshare.me_CGsd

 

I don't know if this was posted before and is a little old, but it's pretty funny. I guess girls on campus are less critical of Zac than people on the board.

 

Zac Lee Still Getting Laid

Story by Alex Wunrow | Published Nov 3, 2009

Word spread throughout the UNL campus today that despite consecutive losses to both Texas Tech and Iowa State, quarterback Zac Lee is, in fact, still getting laid.I didn’t lose to Iowa State, and even I didn’t get laid last night,” said student Paul Foster. “If losers like him are still getting laid, then what’s my problem?”

 

All doubts about Lee’s sex life were eliminated when Ndamukong Suh spoke publicly about his quarterback’s recent performance for the first time.

 

“He couldn’t manage to score nine points last week, but he sure as hell scored that night,” Suh said. “She was an eight, which I guess still wouldn’t have been enough to beat Iowa State, but at least it’s something.”

 

The student body was in utter disbelief when Suh broke the news.

 

“Well, I didn’t want to believe it … but I believe anything Suh says,” student Jacob Sorenson tearfully said.

 

Despite his inability to throw a football over 15 yards, as well as his complete and utter ineptitude running the spread option, he still seems to find a way to find tail. However, Bo Pelini managed to unnecessarily defend his mediocre quarterback.

 

“I don’t think people should be upset with Zac for getting laid. I think he deserves it. Besides, it’s not like Cody could have done any better … maybe on the field, but not in the sack.” Pelini said.

 

Pelini’s comments only served to help create a divide within the locker room, which is now separated into two distinct groups — the guys who think Lee gets more ass and those who think Cody Green does.

 

Regardless of how utterly disgusting the idea of Lee having sex is, the news only intensified the criticism around campus.

 

“He’s always pu&&y-footing around and never actually looks downfield. He just can’t seem to find any openings, and when he does find the hole, he just puts his head down and starts crying. He’s completely trigger-shy. He isn’t brave enough to even try and succeed. In fact, it’s just like his performance on the football field,” said victim Kelly Quinn. “And whenever he missed the hole, he always blamed it on someone named ‘Niles.’ Who the hell brings up other men during sex?”

 

Though his performances on Saturday were both equally unimpressive, what seemed to bother people most was his complete lack of emotion. Whenever he was sacked or threw an interception, he just didn’t seem to give a f#*k. Comparatively, whenever he prematurely ended a drive, he didn’t seem to care that his partner hadn’t gotten off yet.

 

The new revelations have only added fuel to the Green bandwagon. And he certainly made it clear that he is more than ready to step in.

 

“I don’t exactly know how good I am, but I do know that I do care about whether or not my teammates get off when they want to.” Said back-up quarterback Green. “My teammates always come first with me.”

 

Only time and alcohol will tell who the real winner between Lee and Green will be, but the early favorite looks to be Green, who, with Pelini's help, could see the field versus Baylor in the hopes of improving his standing and visibility on campus.

[GSG]

That was quite a funny, yet uncomfortable, read.

[clone]

[AF Husker Fan]

phony but funny

[dubsker]

phony but funny

 

It's the Daily(er) Nebraskan.

[kansas husker]

So is this like the onion but all about nebraska?

[Captain K]

So am I alone in that I didn't think that was very clever?

[Guy Chamberlin]

So am I alone in that I didn't think that was very clever?

 

If he'd stopped after the first sentance, it would have been pretty clever.

 

Got more labored as it went on.

 

Definitely written by a fan of the Onion, just not as well as the Onion. A bit ironic when criticizing someone for mediocre talent.

[dubsker]

So is this like the onion but all about nebraska?

 

 

The Daily Nebraskan is the student newspaper at NU. The Dailyer Nebraskan is a Onion-like edition they come out with every so often.

[808Husker in KCMO]

Tebow can have his Heisman. Our boy gets the only thing that matters.

[HSKRNOKC]

Moved to bs forum..