Friend Zone maybe AND shes having bf issues

[cHUSKERis]

Girl I like, we've been friends for almost a year, we went out a few times but at the moment she has a boyfriend who she is having problems with. I've fooled around with other girls but I always end up going back to thinking about her. There's just some sort of connection, something I feel when I am with her or think about her that I don't feel around any other girl I've known or dated. Ever. Even though she's seeing this guy, and I've seen a couple girls in the time between, there is a friendship, emotional connection, or whatever you wanna call it between us, that is still there.

 

Ok so apparently just yesterday her boyfriend went through her phone and looked at her messages, which she feels angry about. Long story short he's jealous I guess, and has a lot of trust issues and what not. Anyways they've been fighting. She told me about the phone thing today when we were hanging out, I'm not sure if I am in the friend zone, seeing as how she told me this. I HOPE NOT! She knew once at least that I liked her.

 

I'm at a loss of what to do now. How do I make it known that I still have feelings for her but not cause our friendship to end? I honestly don't think their relationship will last but its not like I'm gonna wait it out, I'm gonna see other girls, but I also don't wanna be "just a friend" if and when they do break up. Ya know?

[mmmtodd]

best bet is to back off for awhile. he's obviously got a reason to be jealous.

[zoogs]

No, I'd say make your move.

 

It's tough to get out of the 'friend zone', but you'll never get out if you never try. The only reason to not try is because you're afraid of the risk. But if you really like her that much, you'd be willing to take the risk. All or nothing, right? If you aren't willing to go for for it because 'being close friends' is an acceptable fallback option, what does that tell her?

 

Ultimately, you can only have one goal: 'be friends with her' or 'be more than friends with her.' Picking one might well sacrifice the other though. Also I think reason to be jealous doesn't really justify going through her phone...

 

disclaimer...I'm not really one to be giving advice, though

[Apathy]

I'm at a loss of what to do now. How do I make it known that I still have feelings for her but not cause our friendship to end? I honestly don't think their relationship will last but its not like I'm gonna wait it out, I'm gonna see other girls, but I also don't wanna be "just a friend" if and when they do break up. Ya know?

 

If you're afraid of being stuck in the "Friend Zone" then I wouldn't be looking at any other girl to hook up with. If you honestly believe that there is a connection between you two and you can see yourselves being happy with one another than I say approach her and tell her how you feel. If you having feelings for your friend and you're dating other women it'll give your friend the impression that you two are just friends and nothing more so she'll go out seeing other guys. I'd approach her sooner than later before its too late. Good luck and GO BIG RED

[krc1995]

I'm at a loss of what to do now. How do I make it known that I still have feelings for her but not cause our friendship to end? I honestly don't think their relationship will last but its not like I'm gonna wait it out, I'm gonna see other girls, but I also don't wanna be "just a friend" if and when they do break up. Ya know?

 

If you're afraid of being stuck in the "Friend Zone" then I wouldn't be looking at any other girl to hook up with. If you honestly believe that there is a connection between you two and you can see yourselves being happy with one another than I say approach her and tell her how you feel. If you having feelings for your friend and you're dating other women it'll give your friend the impression that you two are just friends and nothing more so she'll go out seeing other guys. I'd approach her sooner than later before its too late. Good luck and GO BIG RED

 

Good advice above. There in no use in staying close in case she breaks up with her boyfriend. If they do break up and she doesn't really like you romantically then you'll probably be hurt and you wouldn't be friends anymore. If they don't break up, well that one's obvious- you probably won't be friends anymore because of the jealous boyfriend(do you blame him, you like his girl?).

 

Man up- tell her your feelings and make a stand. Your "in charge" attitude may be attractive to her(hint- girls hate passivity). If she really doesn't have romantically feelings for you, it will hurt and you probably won't be friends anymore(too uncomfortable), but you probably wouldn't be friends anyway so there is nothing to lose.

[Apathy]

Man up- tell her your feelings

As my good friend Woody Harrelson said in Zombieland "Man up or shut up"

 

Good luck man

[UGAHusker]

First of all, relationships went out, in like, the 90s. Second, if you are heart-set on this girl, just use the classic, "be nice, slowly break down the self-esteem, get her to do whatever you want." But this whole situation is pretty messed up anyways. Nobody likes douchey guy "friends" (not saying that you're one of these guys, but it's a possibility) who hang around and try to pounce once things start going badly...Nobody.

 

 

[mmmtodd]

trust me on this. back off. if she really likes you, she'll come pokin around after she gets done with her current mess, wondering why your brushing her off...thats when you 'man up' and pounce. you gotta stay strong tho, no buddy buddy stuff while youre in back off mode. cut if off completely.

[huKSer]

As Yoda said: "Do or do not. There is no friend zone"

 

mmmtodd probably has the right answer, or you could follow Zoogies, but it sounds like being in the friend zone is not good for you right now. Its comfy for her but not for you, and in life, ultimately, you have to do what is right for you.

 

(Man that sounded like conference realignment)

[Street Novelist]

If you want to be friends, you better keep your mouth shut. As soon as you tell her how you really feel, everything will change and it can never go back to being the same. If you do decide to go through with it and tell her you love her, you should be prepared in the event she rejects you...because that will hurt like hell

[huzkerbob]

As Yoda said: "Do or do not. There is no friend zone"

 

 

Now that's some funny stuff right tere!

 

 

As far as the OP goes, sorry chris but it sounds like you are already squarely in her friend zone. Just the fact that she confides in you about her douchey BF is a bad sign. Take it from me, this is not the position you want to be in. It took me years to realize that the last person in the world a girl wants to be involved with is someone they can lean on and trust 100%. Sure it makes no damn sense, but that's women for you.

 

Can I ask without getting to specific, whether you two ever fooled around when you dated? And was she in this relationship at the time? I only ask, because that can be a good way to determining what this girls feelings are towards you.

 

Without knowing specifics, I'd have to agree with a lot that has been said already. You only have two options here, the first being to distance yourself from her BF drama ASAP! Then slowly insert yourself back into her life in completely un-platonic ways. Namely, flirt with her like crazy, leaving no doubt in her mind that being "strictly friends" is not an option for you. (unless of course it is.) The second is the upfront approach, tell her how you feel, and possibly preface it with the fact that you don't know whether you can continue to hang with her so often if she's in a relationship with someone else. Yes this approach may be risky, but like zoogies said sometimes "it's all or nothing". Besides neither approach is as risky as continuing as friends, right?

 

Whatever you choose, just know that huskerboard is behind you. Good luck brother!

[John BarleyCorn]

Girl I like, we've been friends for almost a year, we went out a few times but at the moment she has a boyfriend who she is having problems with. I've fooled around with other girls but I always end up going back to thinking about her. There's just some sort of connection, something I feel when I am with her or think about her that I don't feel around any other girl I've known or dated. Ever. Even though she's seeing this guy, and I've seen a couple girls in the time between, there is a friendship, emotional connection, or whatever you wanna call it between us, that is still there.

 

Ok so apparently just yesterday her boyfriend went through her phone and looked at her messages, which she feels angry about. Long story short he's jealous I guess, and has a lot of trust issues and what not. Anyways they've been fighting. She told me about the phone thing today when we were hanging out, I'm not sure if I am in the friend zone, seeing as how she told me this. I HOPE NOT! She knew once at least that I liked her.

 

I'm at a loss of what to do now. How do I make it known that I still have feelings for her but not cause our friendship to end? I honestly don't think their relationship will last but its not like I'm gonna wait it out, I'm gonna see other girls, but I also don't wanna be "just a friend" if and when they do break up. Ya know?

 

been in this exact same situation. make a flippin' move man, don't make the same mistake I did.

[schuhbdoo]

Girl I like, we've been friends for almost a year, we went out a few times but at the moment she has a boyfriend who she is having problems with. I've fooled around with other girls but I always end up going back to thinking about her. There's just some sort of connection, something I feel when I am with her or think about her that I don't feel around any other girl I've known or dated. Ever. Even though she's seeing this guy, and I've seen a couple girls in the time between, there is a friendship, emotional connection, or whatever you wanna call it between us, that is still there.

 

Ok so apparently just yesterday her boyfriend went through her phone and looked at her messages, which she feels angry about. Long story short he's jealous I guess, and has a lot of trust issues and what not. Anyways they've been fighting. She told me about the phone thing today when we were hanging out, I'm not sure if I am in the friend zone, seeing as how she told me this. I HOPE NOT! She knew once at least that I liked her.

 

I'm at a loss of what to do now. How do I make it known that I still have feelings for her but not cause our friendship to end? I honestly don't think their relationship will last but its not like I'm gonna wait it out, I'm gonna see other girls, but I also don't wanna be "just a friend" if and when they do break up. Ya know?

 

 

Have you ever seen When Harry Met Sally? Maybe you can watch it with her without the boyfriend knowing or let her watch it alone without the BF knowing. After, tell her you don't wake up in 30 years and feel like you are Harry and she is Sally. Kind of corny but you got nothing to lose. If she looks at you and says the same thing, be prepared to spend the rest of your life with her. Tell her to break up with her loser BF and you guys need to move out of the "friend zone".

[UGAHusker]

Girl I like, we've been friends for almost a year, we went out a few times but at the moment she has a boyfriend who she is having problems with. I've fooled around with other girls but I always end up going back to thinking about her. There's just some sort of connection, something I feel when I am with her or think about her that I don't feel around any other girl I've known or dated. Ever. Even though she's seeing this guy, and I've seen a couple girls in the time between, there is a friendship, emotional connection, or whatever you wanna call it between us, that is still there.

 

Ok so apparently just yesterday her boyfriend went through her phone and looked at her messages, which she feels angry about. Long story short he's jealous I guess, and has a lot of trust issues and what not. Anyways they've been fighting. She told me about the phone thing today when we were hanging out, I'm not sure if I am in the friend zone, seeing as how she told me this. I HOPE NOT! She knew once at least that I liked her.

 

I'm at a loss of what to do now. How do I make it known that I still have feelings for her but not cause our friendship to end? I honestly don't think their relationship will last but its not like I'm gonna wait it out, I'm gonna see other girls, but I also don't wanna be "just a friend" if and when they do break up. Ya know?

 

 

Have you ever seen When Harry Met Sally? Maybe you can watch it with her without the boyfriend knowing or let her watch it alone without the BF knowing. After, tell her you don't wake up in 30 years and feel like you are Harry and she is Sally. Kind of corny but you got nothing to lose. If she looks at you and says the same thing, be prepared to spend the rest of your life with her. Tell her to break up with her loser BF and you guys need to move out of the "friend zone".

 

Ok, I was kinda joking before, but now I see that some really lame advice is being given out like candy. mmmtodd has it right, chill out, back off and see what happens with things. Seriously, think about how you would feel if you and your girlfriend were having some issues that you wanted to work through and some douchey "guy friend" of hers was whispering in her ear how much of a loser you were and was trying to stir things up in an attempt to get you to break up. It would drive you freakin' crazy. That being said, NOBODY likes the whiney, "guy friend" who always longs after the girl and messes up other guys' game because he really wants to be with her. Talk to her about her relationship like you would a friend you weren't trying to date and let her approach you. When you go out of your way to mess up some other guy's game because you want to be "more than friends", you open yourself up to look like a complete tool and your reputation will suffer because of it. When and if she comes to you, great, but other than that, let things run their course.

 

Full disclosure. Not something I'm really proud of, but true story. I'm not an aggressive guy who goes out looking for fights, but a girl I was kinda dating freshman year of college told me that her "guy friend" from high school had told her some "bad" stuff about me (to be honest, some of it was true) claiming he was protecting her from me (protecting not from anything physical, he just figured I was jacking her around) The point is, this guy lived on my hall and we didn't get along at all. After she told me this, I took her home, went back to my dorm, found him in the study hall and punched him in the face. Granted, I hated the guy anyways and this was a good excuse to hit him, but that he would try and mess up my game because he was a "guy friend" who didn't want me to date her put me over the top. Have a great night!

 

[WCHusker]

Four words

 

 

MOD EDIT - I know you're just being funny, but that belongs in the Shed.