Cy the Cyclone Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 Now a report concerning the Husker’s first five star recruit of 2015: Boz entered the 2009 football season in great shape due to his father’s off-season strength and conditioning regime. To keep his legs and endurance strong, I moved the refrigerator downstairs so whenever I told him to “run and get Dad a beer” he had to go up and down two flights of stairs. I also made him the unofficial “roadie” of our retro-80’s rock band and helped him increase his upper body strength by allowing him to carry my bass and Crate 4-10 cabinet and head in and out of every bar and dive we played at over the spring and summer (the sacrifices I make for this kid are amazing…) so he began the football season with a leg up on all the other kids. Not only was he is better shape than they were but he also knows all the local bar bags and can get himself a beer in many of Iowa’s rural drinking establishments with no questions asked… Now that Boz is in the 7th grade league the competition is tougher and the kids are bigger…we have one new player who is 6’4” and weighs 240 lbs…as a 7th grader for God’s sake (Boz instantly made friends with that kid in a clever act of survival…I asked him if he was worried about the kid taking HIS center position and he told me he wasn’t because the kid’s thighs were too big to hike the ball through). As for Boz, he is standing 6’0” but only tips the scales at 130. When he wears white tennis shoes and a white hat he looks like a cue tip. I tried cleaning my ears with him the other day This year, Boz has one huge drawback standing between himself and stardom (aside from playing center…if you ever kill someone and want to hide from the law, become a center. No one will ever see or mention you again). The drawback is the coaching staff…a bunch of your typical suburban douche bags. We have had trouble with this particular group of insurance salesmen and lawyers before but I thought that was all worked out last year (I threatened to break their pencils) yet the problem has cropped up once again. The majority of the coaching staff appears bound and determined to limit Boz’s playing time because he doesn’t fit their mold as to what an athlete should be. Apparently, kicking someone’s ass doesn’t fit the “good sport” image they are trying to portray. The head coach I don’t have a problem with (his kid plays on my winter league basketball team so he realizes that if my kid doesn’t play HIS kid won’t be seeing much of the court later in the year). The other three…typical Al Bundy types who probably starred on their 8-man football teams out in HootnHollar, Ohio, annoy us to no end. First of all, what youth league football team needs four coaches? Sure, we have 27 kids out but hell, I had 15 on my basketball team last year and I was the only coach (we did have another dad who carried the ball bag to games and came to practices but he spent all his time looking at porn on his I-phone while practices were going on). All it took was one good smack upside the head of one little smart-ass and the rest of them all became very attentive for the rest of the season! You only need one coach for that. Long story short…this year is going to be a struggle. More reports to come later if you want to hear them but right now I notice I’m down to my last cigarette and since Boz started school I’m forced to actually go get more myself instead of sending him out on a healty “jog” to the convenience store for me so have to go. Quote Link to comment
Spooky Tooth Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 Vintage Cy. Dawg! For that you get a dancing banana cob. Quote Link to comment
CENTEXHUSKER Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 …we have one new player who is 6’4” and weighs 240 lbs…as a 7th grader for God’s sake... No way! Seriously?! Sounds like someone's dad has been pumping his kid full of steriods,...uh I mean Flintstones... ...but right now I notice I’m down to my last cigarette and since Boz started school I’m forced to actually go get more myself instead of sending him out on a healty “jog” to the convenience store for me so have to go. Yea, I remember the days when my ole man would send me down to the bar for a tin of Cope, that ended real quick when the can came home opened, a-hole made me swallow that chit, gewd... Quote Link to comment
billdozer15 Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 …we have one new player who is 6’4” and weighs 240 lbs…as a 7th grader for God’s sake... No way! Seriously?! Sounds like someone's dad has been pumping his kid full of steriods,...uh I mean Flintstones... ...but right now I notice I’m down to my last cigarette and since Boz started school I’m forced to actually go get more myself instead of sending him out on a healty “jog” to the convenience store for me so have to go. Yea, I remember the days when my ole man would send me down to the bar for a tin of Cope, that ended real quick when the can came home opened, a-hole made me swallow that chit, gewd... That and the fact they card anyone who looks to be under the age 100. My wife and I were buying groceries at Walmart last week and they wouldn't sell me a 12 pack because my wife didnt have her I.D. Now they have to see everyones I.D. in the party. What a joke.... Quote Link to comment
redout22 Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 I am gald Boz is in shape. Maybe he can get and offer this year like Eric Berry's little brother. Quote Link to comment
huKSer Posted September 10, 2009 Share Posted September 10, 2009 …we have one new player who is 6’4” and weighs 240 lbs…as a 7th grader for God’s sake... No way! Seriously?! Sounds like someone's dad has been pumping his kid full of steriods,...uh I mean Flintstones... ...but right now I notice I’m down to my last cigarette and since Boz started school I’m forced to actually go get more myself instead of sending him out on a healty “jog” to the convenience store for me so have to go. Yea, I remember the days when my ole man would send me down to the bar for a tin of Cope, that ended real quick when the can came home opened, a-hole made me swallow that chit, gewd... That and the fact they card anyone who looks to be under the age 100. My wife and I were buying groceries at Walmart last week and they wouldn't sell me a 12 pack because my wife didnt have her fake I.D. Now they have to see everyones I.D. in the party. What a joke.... Your wife is under 21? Quote Link to comment
RedDenver Posted September 10, 2009 Share Posted September 10, 2009 Not only was he is better shape than they were but he also knows all the local bar bags and can get himself a beer in many of Iowa’s rural drinking establishments with no questions asked… Now that Boz is in the 7th grade ... Greatest segue ever. Quote Link to comment
BIGREDIOWAN Posted September 10, 2009 Share Posted September 10, 2009 Just awesome!!!! Quote Link to comment
BIGREDIOWAN Posted September 10, 2009 Share Posted September 10, 2009 Just awesome!!!! Quote Link to comment
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