Huskers Already Ahead In The Game

[Cy the Cyclone]

Since it’s obvious that Nebraska should fit right into the Big 10 from a football standpoint…heck, maybe even dominate when you consider that Big 10 offenses totally suck compared to the Big 12 and, while the defenses may seem to be dominating when looking at the statistics, this is due mainly to the fact that the Big 10 defenses spend most of the season crushing the Big 10 offenses which, as previously stated, suck.

 

Therefore, it is incumbent upon someone to look at the Big 10 and Nebraska’s inclusion into it, from a different point of view. I have done and in-depth study of the Big 10 from a new angle and have decided that the Cornhuskers with meld perfectly with their new conference mates…all based on Mascots.

 

 

Iowa Hawkeyes – The University of Iowa mascot resembles nothing more than a Kindergarten paper art project put together by the “special needs” class. “Herky” (and what budding English major came up with that name) , with his oddly circular head culminating with a flat cranium resembles a twist off bottle of cheap booze more than a bird of prey which is probably why the student body loves him so much. Come on…with a bazillion dollar art school on campus is this the best they can come up with…Fail.

 

Ohio State Buckeyes – When I was a kid, we used to pull buckeyes out of a tree and throw them at each other. Never did we envision that a team would fashion their mascot after something that if you piled enough of them together on the ground, looked exactly like a pile of horse turds.. Brutus has no fashion sense either as the wide horizonatal stripe on his shirt does nothing but emphasis that enormity of his horse turd head…Fail.

 

Purdue Boilermakers– Now you would think a muscular guy with a sledgehammer would make a great mascot. Unfortunately, put this concept into the hands of a bunch of engineers and you end up with a guy who looks like he used the sledgehammer to hit himself in the head. They could have made the guy look mean…rough…tough. Instead, he looks like somebody’s grandpa who retired from a cushy union job and now sits around trying to remember where he’s at and what his name is….Fail.

 

Wisconsin Badgers – Is it just me or is the Badger in need of some food? I’ve seen badgers and they are plump little animals. This thing looks more like a ferret. Wisconsin either needs to find some fat kid to wear their mascot suit so it actually looks like a Badger or it needs to change the team name to the Wisconsin Weasels…which actually sounds better anyway and they already have the mascot suit….Fail.

 

Northwestern Wildcats – Any school that is so unimportant as to be named after a direction and not something more consequential obviously needs an exciting and awe-inspiring mascot to rouse the student body. Northwestern got off to a good start by picking a frightening Wildcat but then it ruined the effect by giving it a big smile and making it look more like Snagglepuss that a scary animal. Dumb move by a school with a reputation for turning out smart people….Fail.

 

Michigan State Spartans – This mascot is actually pretty decent. Muscles in all the right places…mean look on his face. Represents a bunch of losers on the field but that is his only drawback….Pass.

 

Minnesota Golden Gophers – What happened here? Were all the good animals taken? I mean…a Gopher? And don’t even think you’re fooling anybody by calling it Golden. It’s a rodent…a pest. To add insult to injury, some wise guy even decided to use his jersey to predict how many points Minnesota would put up on the scoreboard on any given Saturday…Fail.

 

Penn State Nittany Lions – Take a good look at the picture. Is the brown thing on the right a lion or a meth user’s idea of a Jack Russell terrier? Actually, it looks like a kidnap victim stuffed in a gunny sack with a noose tied around his neck or maybe like a giant rat that crawled up out of the sewer. Really…what the hell is that? Now I know why they don’t put a Nittany Lion insignia on their helmets. Who would want that…Fail.

 

Indiana Hoosiers and Illinois Fighting Illini – These two school mascots are represented by the guy in the tie since Chief Illini has been deemed offensive by the entire world and nobody knows exactly what a Hoosier is. Illinois tried fighting for their beloved chief for a long time until it dawned on them that their mascot represented a people who got their asses kicked and got ran out of the state by a bunch of backwoodsmen. The student body of Indiana has unsuccessfully petitioned that they be represented by a giant tire…or Gene Hackman…whichever is cheaper….Fail….Fail.

 

So, as you can see, Lil Red and Herbie can certainly be ranked at or near the top of the Big 10 mascots, placing them far ahead of most of the other schools before a single game has even been played.

[killer cacti]

Awesome CY!!! +1...what about Michigan???

[LouisianaHuskerFan]

Ha. Great one Cy.

[Cy the Cyclone]

Awesome CY!!! +1...what about Michigan???

 

Hugh Jackman's agent threatened me with a lawsuit if I mentioned Wolverine and Michigan in the same sentence....

[kansas husker]

[Ringer02]

What's the name of the mascot with the blue tie, I've never seen that one before!

[Manhattan]

I think Wisconsin's Badger is the best mascot by far.

 

Brutus (OSU) is well made as far as mascots go, but he is way too weird, I agree. The reason I do like him is because he is really personable, unlike other mascots which do not have the same anthropomorphic feel to them (see: PSU). I also don't like that Brutus reminds me of the Hamburglar:

 

 

I think Nebraska's mascots are really weird. Especially 'Lil Red. Looks like he belongs outside of a fast food joint... Just really weird.

 

If I had to rank them:

 

1) Wisconsin

2) Michigan State

3) Ohio State

4) Northwestern

5) Minnesota

6) Iowa

7) Purdue

8) Penn State

 

The Nittany Lion looks like a diseased and tattered dog. It looks like it would scare children.

 

Also, being from New York, our team's don't have mascots (unless you're a Met fan... Then I guess you need one), so mascots in general are new to me.

[hack]

lil' is just like our coach: off the hook and A W E S O M E!

[Sparker]

lil' is just like our coach: off the hook and A W E S O M E!

 

Awesome pic!

[Captain K]

What's the name of the mascot with the blue tie, I've never seen that one before!

It's purple. He is Northwestern's mascot, studious nerd Pat Poindexter. I think they take their academic excellence a little too seriously at NW, actually. Lighten up a little wildcats!

[jayhawk]

Lil Red is cool. You leave him Lil red alone. he resembles a human!!!!

 

 

I do like him though. He is funny. Funny mascots are the best. I like the that Gopher too though, so there you have it.

[deedsker15]

Lil Red is cool. You leave him Lil red alone. he resembles a human!!!!

 

 

I do like him though. He is funny. Funny mascots are the best. I like the that Gopher too though, so there you have it.

really???

 

i always thought he was a lil' doucher...weird to see other school's fans actually like him

[irafreak]

I love lil red. He's great. Never understood all the hate. The kids love him. He can cartwheel on his head.

 

But seriously what about these Husker classics...

[GSG]

 

I thought that was the girl that rides the horse at Texas Tech

 

For reference:

 

[HuskerfaninOkieland]

Since it’s obvious that Nebraska should fit right into the Big 10 from a football standpoint…heck, maybe even dominate when you consider that Big 10 offenses totally suck compared to the Big 12 and, while the defenses may seem to be dominating when looking at the statistics, this is due mainly to the fact that the Big 10 defenses spend most of the season crushing the Big 10 offenses which, as previously stated, suck.

 

Therefore, it is incumbent upon someone to look at the Big 10 and Nebraska’s inclusion into it, from a different point of view. I have done and in-depth study of the Big 10 from a new angle and have decided that the Cornhuskers with meld perfectly with their new conference mates…all based on Mascots.

 

 

Iowa Hawkeyes – The University of Iowa mascot resembles nothing more than a Kindergarten paper art project put together by the “special needs” class. “Herky” (and what budding English major came up with that name) , with his oddly circular head culminating with a flat cranium resembles a twist off bottle of cheap booze more than a bird of prey which is probably why the student body loves him so much. Come on…with a bazillion dollar art school on campus is this the best they can come up with…Fail.

 

Ohio State Buckeyes – When I was a kid, we used to pull buckeyes out of a tree and throw them at each other. Never did we envision that a team would fashion their mascot after something that if you piled enough of them together on the ground, looked exactly like a pile of horse turds.. Brutus has no fashion sense either as the wide horizonatal stripe on his shirt does nothing but emphasis that enormity of his horse turd head…Fail.

 

Purdue Boilermakers– Now you would think a muscular guy with a sledgehammer would make a great mascot. Unfortunately, put this concept into the hands of a bunch of engineers and you end up with a guy who looks like he used the sledgehammer to hit himself in the head. They could have made the guy look mean…rough…tough. Instead, he looks like somebody’s grandpa who retired from a cushy union job and now sits around trying to remember where he’s at and what his name is….Fail.

 

Wisconsin Badgers – Is it just me or is the Badger in need of some food? I’ve seen badgers and they are plump little animals. This thing looks more like a ferret. Wisconsin either needs to find some fat kid to wear their mascot suit so it actually looks like a Badger or it needs to change the team name to the Wisconsin Weasels…which actually sounds better anyway and they already have the mascot suit….Fail.

 

Northwestern Wildcats – Any school that is so unimportant as to be named after a direction and not something more consequential obviously needs an exciting and awe-inspiring mascot to rouse the student body. Northwestern got off to a good start by picking a frightening Wildcat but then it ruined the effect by giving it a big smile and making it look more like Snagglepuss that a scary animal. Dumb move by a school with a reputation for turning out smart people….Fail.

 

Michigan State Spartans – This mascot is actually pretty decent. Muscles in all the right places…mean look on his face. Represents a bunch of losers on the field but that is his only drawback….Pass.

 

Minnesota Golden Gophers – What happened here? Were all the good animals taken? I mean…a Gopher? And don’t even think you’re fooling anybody by calling it Golden. It’s a rodent…a pest. To add insult to injury, some wise guy even decided to use his jersey to predict how many points Minnesota would put up on the scoreboard on any given Saturday…Fail.

 

Penn State Nittany Lions – Take a good look at the picture. Is the brown thing on the right a lion or a meth user’s idea of a Jack Russell terrier? Actually, it looks like a kidnap victim stuffed in a gunny sack with a noose tied around his neck or maybe like a giant rat that crawled up out of the sewer. Really…what the hell is that? Now I know why they don’t put a Nittany Lion insignia on their helmets. Who would want that…Fail.

 

Indiana Hoosiers and Illinois Fighting Illini – These two school mascots are represented by the guy in the tie since Chief Illini has been deemed offensive by the entire world and nobody knows exactly what a Hoosier is. Illinois tried fighting for their beloved chief for a long time until it dawned on them that their mascot represented a people who got their asses kicked and got ran out of the state by a bunch of backwoodsmen. The student body of Indiana has unsuccessfully petitioned that they be represented by a giant tire…or Gene Hackman…whichever is cheaper….Fail….Fail.

 

So, as you can see, Lil Red and Herbie can certainly be ranked at or near the top of the Big 10 mascots, placing them far ahead of most of the other schools before a single game has even been played.

Hilarious Cy!