Cy the Cyclone Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 The other day, when I was rooting through the trash dumpster behind the Iowa State athletic offices...uh...I mean, when I was walking around campus minding my own business...I can across this draft of a letter from the Iowa State Athletic Director to the NCAA. Thought you might find it interesting... Dear NCAA After seeing West Virginia and TCU in action in their respective bowl games, I have come to realize that Iowa State and the Big 12 as a whole has made a egregious error in voting to allow these two universities to become members of the Big 12 and humbly request that instead, you force Colorado and Nebraska to return to our conference post haste. Our head football coach, the famous “I’m So Proud” Paul Rhoades has pointed out to me that both West Virginia and TCU both have huge linemen that run faster than our fleetest wideout and also both have offenses that are capable of putting up triple digit scores on lesser teams (which, unfortunately includes the Cyclones). As you are well aware, we have just refurbished Jack Trice Stadium by adding electricity and running water and have even installed one of those new-fangled TV things for our fans. We have no more funding left to replace our present scoreboard with one that can display three digit scores. We are in a quandary as to what to do new season. Therefore we have come up with a plan to restore the Big 12 to prominence once again. A plan which will benefit all involved. That would be to force Nebraska and Colorado to return to the Big 12. Colorado, of course, should return with no hesitation. After watching the Buffalos bumble through a season in the PAC 12, I think both entities (the Buffalos and the PAC 12) realize that Colorado has no idea what they are doing once they get past the continental divide. Frankly, they looked puzzled and dismayed that there was no Kansas or Iowa State to beat up on once the non-conference season was over so they could inflate their record against hapless opponents and take their rightful place as a participant in the Kotex Tampon Bowl or whatever their usual 6-6 record entitles them to each year. If you were to poll their fans, I’m sure their second choice would be to return to the Big 12…right after their first choice which would be to “pass the bong”. Nebraska, on the other hand, should return for a multitude of reasons. First, the Big 10 isn’t really a football conference. It is Michigan, Ohio State and Jerry Sandusky…Even when Ohio State and Michigan suck (and you will noticing I am purposely NOT making an inappropriate Sandusky references here though I really want to), it is still all about Michigan and Ohio State. Nebraska WAS the Big 12 North. Their relevance in the Big 10 is as one of the other guys whereas they WERE the Big 12. Second, the Big 10 schools are too far away and cost too much to get to. Most Big 12 schools are good and close. Think of the extra academic time that could be spent in the classroom instead of flying to far flung outposts like…well, wherever the Big 10 schools are located (I actually don’t know where some of them are…I believe Northwestern is located somewhere north and west of Nebraska…but that would put it somewhere in Montana so maybe I am wrong). Finally, the Nebraska team is, frankly, built for the Big 12 and not the Big 10. We have receivers that can’t catch…Nebraska has receivers that can’t catch. We have quarterbacks that throw funny…Nebraska has a quarterback that throws funny. We have defenses that get run into the ground by good offenses…Nebraska has a defense that gets run into the ground by good offenses. The similarities go on and on! None of this is ever evident in the Big 10 because they don’t have good offenses or defenses! In closing, West Virginia and TCU simply are not good fits for Iowa State because they will annihilate us on the field and should probably just join the SEC now instead of waiting five years and then bailing. Returning Nebraska and Colorado to the Big 12 would help restore traditional rivalries, promote fan interest and, frankly, give Iowa State back a couple of teams they could conceivably beat. Jamie Pollard - Iowa State Athletic Director 2 Quote Link to comment
Hunter94 Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 damn, the truth hurts........ Quote Link to comment
BIGREDIOWAN Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 Not sure how to respond to this as you obviously think Iowa State can beat Nebraska.................................NOT COOL!!!! Quote Link to comment
huKSer Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 Step 1 - Kick out Texas Step 2 - We'll talk Step 3 - No way, but keep Texas out anyway Quote Link to comment
T_O_Bull Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 Great post Cy. Unfortuately as H94 said some of it hits too close to home. T_O_B G>B>R Quote Link to comment
Cy the Cyclone Posted January 7, 2012 Author Share Posted January 7, 2012 No insult intended...just don't want to travel to any away games to a state where it's perfectly fine for cousins to marry... Quote Link to comment
NoLongerN Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 It's a good thing we were in the B1G this year ... otherwise we would have lost 5-6 games in the Big 12. I enjoyed the read very much. Thanks for posting. Quote Link to comment
lo country Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 It's a good thing we were in the B1G this year ... otherwise we would have lost 5-6 games in the Big 12. I enjoyed the read very much. Thanks for posting. And this my friend is the painful, painful truth. Quote Link to comment
skersfan Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 On cousins, you did get rid of Missouri so that is a plus. Quote Link to comment
HANC Posted January 8, 2012 Share Posted January 8, 2012 Any thread started by Cy, I will read.... Once again, you didn't disappoint. Funny stuff.... too bad most of it is true... Quote Link to comment
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