The Republican Utopia

[Guy Chamberlin]

People Who Say Republicans Can't Govern Have Clearly Never Heard of the Electronic Duck Stamp Act

By House Speaker Mike Johnson

SPEAKER MIKE JOHNSON FEB 9   ∙   PAID   ∙   GUEST POST

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Photo from Kent Nisimura via Getty.

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The author is the 56th Speaker of the US House of Representatives and writes the Substack “The Erotic Voyage of Z”.¹

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You hear it everywhere: “Republicans can’t govern”. My caucus is in “disarray”. My speakership is a “failure”. These are the doom-and-gloom pronouncements stemming from the failed immigration bill and Congress’ broad inability to pass meaningful legislation. These characterizations rely on cherry-picked assessments of my caucus’ work. And they can be refuted with two words.

 

Duck. Stamps.

 

You know how hunters have to purchase special “stamps” every year to hunt migratory waterfowl? You don’t? Well: Hunters have to purchase special stamps every year to hunt migratory waterfowl. Those are commonly called “duck stamps”. They’ve been around since the ‘30s, and for decades, they were physical stamps. But in 2013 — under the visionary leadership of John Boehner — Congress let states issue electronic stamps. And now, in a landmark achievement, the 118th Congress has given states authority to phase out physical stamps entirely and issue fully electronic duck stamps.

You heard right: Fully electronic duck stamps. The bridge to the 21st century has been built.

 

It wasn’t easy — no watershed achievement is. There was arm twisting and horse-trading; I have to mow Matt Gaetz’ lawn for a year, and Marjorie Taylor Greene is now next in line to become Surgeon General. But no historic piece of legislation was ever passed without difficulty. Maybe Steven Spielberg will make a Lincoln-type movie about the historic passage of this bill — it worked for the 13th Amendment, so it can certainly work for duck stamps!

 

Of course, the liberal media largely ignored the achievement. They’ve focused on things like Congress’ inability to renew aid for Ukraine and our failure to pass a long-term spending bill. And, actually, we had to use the duck stamp bill to keep the government open at all, because, well…hang with me here: There was a revolt against a short-term spending measure by the Freedom Caucus. To get a spending bill through the House and avoid a shutdown, we had to gut the initial duck stamp bill and turn that into the spending bill. And then we passed the Senate’s version of the duck stamp bill. We had to execute that quadruple backflip simply to fund the government through…oh damn: March 1! Is it February already? I guess we’d better get back on that!

The Duck Stamp Act is the crown jewel of the 118th Congress’ legislative achievements. But there have been other big wins — we also:

• Allowed the Treasury to mint coins commemorating the 250th anniversary of the Marine Corps;

• Reappointed Michael Govan as a citizen regent of the Smithsonian Institution;

• Expanded the hunting, fishing, trapping rights of the Siletz Indians; and

• Renamed the Department of Veterans Affairs in Gallup, New Mexico after Medal of Honor winner Hiroshi Miyamura.

And we’re not even done yet! There’s a bill in the House right now to recognize the cultural significance of Lunar New Year! The Republican caucus continues to diligently and tirelessly do the people’s work.

 

The days of watching ducks preen and quack and strut around like the King of Siam while you helplessly await the arrival of your duck stamps are over. America now has the most advance duck stamp system in the world, and on behalf of the GOP, let me say: “You’re welcome”. Who knows what else we might achieve? We could pass a bill creating National Hospital Workers Day, or extend crabbing season by a week, or even recognize the cultural contributions of Hootie and the Blowfish. Dare to dream, America!

 

And next time you hear some Negative Nancy tut-tutting about how the Republican Party can’t govern, I recommend that you take out your phone, open the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service app, turn the screen to the naysayer and say: “Then how did I get these?”

[RedDenver]

On 2/8/2024 at 8:21 AM, BigRedBuster said:

 

I'm old enough to remember being assured by the right that overturning Roe v Wade wasn't going to lead to abortion in the case of rape being illegal.

 

It's not about states rights or anything rational - they just want to control women.

[Archy1221]

Looks like Disney will not be taking their investment dollars out of Florida in protest and no longer spend resources there like I was assured would happen.    Something about DeSantis or something something   

 

[BigRedBuster]

18 minutes ago, Archy1221 said:

Looks like Disney will not be taking their investment dollars out of Florida in protest and no longer spend resources there like I was assured would happen.    Something about DeSantis or something something   

 

Glad you still love politicians that take vengeance out on companies that say the wrong things.  Proud MAGA there.

 

OK, can you show me in that article where it says that investment will be in Florida?  I see it mentioning lots of places.....and even more cruise ships.  I don't see how much they will be spending in Florida.  

[Archy1221]

49 minutes ago, BigRedBuster said:

OK, can you show me in that article where it says that investment will be in Florida?

Ok…

 

ll be,” Iger said. “You can pretty much conclude that they will be all over, meaning every single one of our locations, will be the beneficiary of increased investment and thus increase capacity including on the High Seas,” Iger said of Disney’s theme parks and their cruise line around the world.

 

 

[BigRedBuster]

49 minutes ago, Archy1221 said:

Ok…

 

ll be,” Iger said. “You can pretty much conclude that they will be all over, meaning every single one of our locations, will be the beneficiary of increased investment and thus increase capacity including on the High Seas,” Iger said of Disney’s theme parks and their cruise line around the world.

 

 

So, this would be true if even maybe 1 million upgrade bathrooms was spent in Florida and the rest elsewhere.  
 

This isn’t the big gotcha you think it is. 

[Archy1221]

8 minutes ago, BigRedBuster said:

So, this would be true if even maybe 1 million upgrade bathrooms was spent in Florida and the rest elsewhere.  
 

This isn’t the big gotcha you think it is. 

LOL.  It quite literally is. 

[BigRedBuster]

Just now, Archy1221 said:

LOL.  It quite literally is. 

LOL ….it quite literally doesn’t say that in the article. 

[BigRedBuster]

 

[Archy1221]

38 minutes ago, BigRedBuster said:

LOL ….it quite literally doesn’t say that in the article. 

“Increased capacity”.   If you believe that to be more bathrooms, LOL

[BigRedBuster]

 

[BigRedBuster]

6 minutes ago, Archy1221 said:

“Increased capacity”.   If you believe that to be more bathrooms, LOL

How much of that money is going to Florida?

[ZRod]

2 hours ago, BigRedBuster said:

Glad you still love politicians that take vengeance out on companies that say the wrong things.  Proud MAGA there.

 

OK, can you show me in that article where it says that investment will be in Florida?  I see it mentioning lots of places.....and even more cruise ships.  I don't see how much they will be spending in Florida.  

I mean they also own a massive amount of land that is undeveloped or once had attractions that have since been abandoned. It would make zero sense for them to acquire or build land elsewhere, and they're not going to let EPCOT, the Magic Kingdom, the Animal Kingdom, etc. fall into disrepair.

 

 

Who said they would no longer invest in their facilities in FL???

[teachercd]

39 minutes ago, BigRedBuster said:

 

I gotta say it again...RFK jr looks f#&%ing great for his age.

 

 

[BigRedBuster]

No wonder they want to defund the FBI and shut it down.