What's in a life?

[knapplc]

We've been going through some of the debris my wife's uncle left behind after he passed away this February. He died at about age 73, never married, to my knowledge never dated anybody, was a very odd man who worked until cancer forced him into hospice, then died within a few months. He had no friends, not much money to speak of, never traveled, never had children, bounced from job to job (but always worked).

 

He was a pretty interesting dude. I always enjoyed when he came to family dinners, even though he would never stop talking once you got him going. To my knowledge, in the 25 years I knew him, he was never truly angry - agitated a few times, but not mad. He laughed, he hung out, and in general seemed to have a pretty decent life.

 

I don't think any of us would have liked to have lived his life. He wasn't wealthy, lived in a ramshackle fall-down house, drove banged-up cars and had no friends. He was asocial and just odd.

 

But was he happy? Did he have a good life?

 

 

What constitutes a "good" life?

 

 

While thinking about that, I happened to run across this graphic, which outlines the typical life of a typical American in years/weeks. It's rather harrowingly short.

 

 

Within certain parameters, we'll all roughly fit into this chart. Is there a "good" life in there somewhere? Where is it? What makes it "good?" What makes a life "bad?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Maybe a better way to look at it is, are you living a happy life?

Why? Why not?

 

What would make your life more happy? Imagine you had that - how long would it make you happy? Would you tire of it, and if so, after what period of time? What would you do after that happened?

 

Is there something you can do that, as you lay on your deathbed, you can do/see/experience to make your life "good?" What is it? What impact would it have on your life?

[BigRedBuster]

Interesting topic.

 

I am not sure I'm the right one to talk about with this because quite frankly, I totally admit, I am not happy. The frustrating thing is, I should be. I have a loving and faithful wife with three absolutely wonderful kids that are growing up to be absolutely unbelievably wonderful human beings. I honestly don't deserve the family I have.

However, I have a lot of other family stuff around me that honestly is tiresome and sometimes I just want to get away from. But...I can't.

 

So, what would make me happy? I honestly don't know.

 

Wow....isn't that a depressing post?

[knapplc]

I think it's a very real post. I'm beginning to believe that happiness has a lot to do with age and intelligence - or maybe experience is a better word.

 

Children are ecstatically happy, most of the time. Their happiness is pure and unburdened and shines like a spotlight. The older we get, the more we know, the more we experience, we realize there's a bunch of S out there. Some of it is our S, some is other peoples' S, but inevitably, that S weighs a person down.

 

It's almost as if the less you know, the less you experience, the happier you'll be.

 

 

 

Not sure that equates to a better life through stupidity, but...

[NUance]

Wow, the average life of a Sierra Leone citizen is quite short. They're out of graduate school like 15 years--then BOOM!, they're dead.

 

 

[sd'sker]

well, happiness has to be ephemeral, unless you are able to reach a zen place. because once your reach happiness, it would be counterproductive to become complacent.

 

but then there are other ways to view happiness. i would like to have a lot less stress, bitterness/resentment, and insecurity. those are the types of things that i think would lead me to more of a lasting happiness because i have a lot to be happy about in my life.

[krc1995]

I have wondered what makes a life many times over the last several years. It is the quest to "make my mark" which drives me professionally and personally, sometimes I think at a sacrifice to my enjoyment of the here and now. I think this quest could be the root cause of the many sacrificial and public style killings that we have witnessed of late. I'm convinced that although mental illness certainly is the direct cause, the feeling of isolationism and the inability to feel worthy within society are what drives such illness.

 

In regard to happiness, it is subjective of our daily perceptions. If you are truly and pervasively unhappy, something needs to be done from a mental health standpoint. However, sometimes our negative opinions of daily, but temporary, events taint the clear water so-to-speak. Meaning, that today may have been a really bad day, but mostly we find enjoyment in our lives. You can also have rough patches and in my opinion if you are going through a rough patch, you probably have some responsibility in it's perpetualism. However as long as I have wondered about happiness and living a meaningful life, I still find some ideas mystical. I find that the joy and happiness of terminally and chronically ill people is amazing in consideration of the long term forecast. I find how anyone from any country could smile and look joyful in spite of living in an area of the world that may, or has, killed their children incredible. I also find it shocking how some people can inflict pain, emotional or physical, or another and seem to be personally satisfied in doing it. I understand that it is a direct reflection on themselves, but still, how did it come to that?

 

For our daily happiness in this country, I think that there is a disconnect with our national identity and our personal identity. It is very hard to define our individual responsibility to the functionality of our culture. Our country really does not have an identity. When the criteria for functioning is "happiness" and "personal agenda" how do anyone of us know if we are doing it right? It just feels like we have a nation full of lost and misguided souls that do not know what they are living for but are actively searching for a way to belong and be successful.

[True2tRA]

I have tried to answer this thread title twice now and I can't. There's so many variables. The constant answer I keep coming back to is the "why's and the how's". The less we ask, the better off we are for it. Right? Maybe? Ignorance is bliss. As the Beatles say "let it be". I think theres something to that anyway,

 

It's just all about what's important to you. Material things haven't meant a whole lot to me. Why? I don't know exactly. I've just always been more of a spiritual type. What will be my legacy? Have I done my best? Am I loved and respected? Will people truly miss me when I'm gone? Have I taught anyone anything that they will carry through their lives? Will that be passed through generations? That would be important to me. Will anyone look at a picture of me someday and say " this guy, he was a damn good man/ father/ teacher/ leader/ husband/ etc."..... Why are those things important to me and to some not so much? Who knows? I hope people look at me and have a good story, something we could all laugh about. I hope I'm right there with them to laugh, even if I'm not "there" anymore.

 

Memories. That's what makes me happy. Creating them, looking back at them.

 

Deep stuff knapp. Too much to think about all at once.

[JJ Husker]

The gist of this pondering falls in line with "what is the meaning of life?"

 

Was he happy? Did he have a good life? What constitutes a good life?

I don't have any definitive answers but there are a few things I've learned that I am pretty darned sure of and this sums it up;

 

People are about as happy as they make up their mind to be. Wealth, income, health, physical capabilites, intelligence.........the list could go on and on, really have no bearing on how happy a person is.I've encountered poverty stricken people, without a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out, that seem to be extremely more happy than a person who has everything and will always be financially comfotable. I know people who have unbelievable health problems yet they are way more cheerful and happy than others who are the picture of health. It seems to always boil down to people being as happy as they make up their mind to be. Being happy with what they have rather than chasing after what they don't have.

 

I haven't a clue how a person gets to that point but I've seen it enough to know it exists.

[sd'sker]

success is getting what you want.

happiness is wanting what you get.

[JJ Husker]

success is getting what you want.

happiness is wanting what you get.

 

Is that the Sheryl Crow lyric I was searching for........?

[sd'sker]

success is getting what you want.

happiness is wanting what you get.

Is that the Sheryl Crow lyric I was searching for........?

you're my favorite mistake.

[Husker_x]

This is a great topic, knap.

 

I like to study religion and philosophy (as a hobby––I certainly don't get paid for it). Most recently the religion I have engaged with the most has been Buddhism. It's safe to say that Buddhism probably more than any (major) world religion deals with this specific issue: human happiness. It does so partly by the concept of dukkha, a word usually translated in English as "suffering". Buddhism as a whole is often presented to Westerners in terms of the "Four Noble Truths," the first of which is the truth of dukkha or suffering. Something like existence is suffering.

 

The problem is that "suffering" is not really the idea, i.e. physical pain, emotional stress, etc. It has more to do with the inherent unsatisfactoriness of life. You have your favorite meal, and for the first few bites it satisfies, but pretty quickly any food wears itself out. You want something else. And then something else. And then something else. Nothing in your life or anyone else's is ever permanently satisfying. Everything changes all the time, and you continue along indulging your various cravings until one day they and you are gone. (Good news: you get to do it all over again.)

 

There is quite a bit of research on happiness out there. It's certainly not an easy thing to quantify, but you can try and sometimes patterns emerge. One thing we know is there is virtually no correlation whatsoever between wealth and happiness. In fact, if there is any correlation it is that the more rich you are, the less happy you become. This obviously excludes poverty. Poverty makes people very unhappy. But if you have enough to meet your immediate needs, there is very little difference in your day-to-day experience of happiness or misery by adding a boatload of cash to the equation. Material things don't really help. I suppose even to a billionaire stuff loses its novelty after awhile.

 

As to what happiness is. That is a good question. It's easy to go down the list of things it's probably not, or to put it in Buddhist terms like emptiness, interdependence, compassion that each themselves need unpacking. But what the good life actually looks like, feels like, is like? Not as easy.

[Creighton Duke]

^^^^

This is a very interesting observation/comment, especially in relation to what the chart presents. Buddhism contends that we essentially get bored of things rather easily and are constantly in search of new "highs". What does the hart show? The average length of and start dates of long-term, commitment-related undertakings (marriage, kids, job, etc.) By defining a life by these kinds of things (which, of course, the mainstream media pushes as to keep the population in line) people are undoubtedly setting themselves up for unhappiness. Personally, I reject all of those "milestones" and already feel so much better about my life now that I realize how fabricated that kind of stuff is.

[BigRedBuster]

OK....if you are unhappy, how do you become happy?

[Landlord]

Can't say I'm happy. I'm spending my days constantly bitter and angry and hurt, betraying my conscience, and refusing to feel much of anything good or bad, in an effort to try and avoid the bad.

 

 

But I think there's a door cracking open in front of me soon. I hope.

 

 

 

 

 

Also, any time I start thinking seriously about death and living out an entire life, this song comes to mind. It's 12 minutes long but it makes me feel a lot of feels.