Things your kids do or say

[GSG]

This thread kinda reminds me of this Instagram account:

 

https://instagram.com/mykidcanteatthis/

[icedavis]

My sister and twin nieces came up to the Twins Cities to visit and go to a couple of baseball games. For some reason when we are walking around, they only want to hold hands with my wife. Uncle Me? Nope. Mom or dad? Nope. Auntie Mae Mae? YES! Then they only want to ride in our car wherever we go so they can be with Auntie Mae Mae. As they sit in the backseat and ramble, I can't help but think of Kid Snippets, the hilarious youtube channel where adults make videos out of audio of the kids playing out scenarios.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wa89RIAdcus

[Stumpy1]

My daughter last night was telling my wife how good of a swimmer she is.

 

Jordy: Momma, I'm a really good swimmer. I can swim better then Natalie and she is in 4th grade.

 

Wife: That is great to hear!!!

 

Jordy: Yep, we swimmed across the pool and I beat her pretty good.

 

My 8yr old chimes in: It's cause she is really fat and does nothing but eat Jordyn.

 

Wife: Maybe she is swimming to help with that and to lose some weight.

 

Trevs: No, I don't think so.

 

Wife: Wow Trevs, hope I don't get fat.

 

Trevs: Maybe you should go swimming with us then.

 

The look on my wife's face was priceless. I started laughing and just said I'm heading to take a shower. My wife came down a little later and said: What a little A-hole he can be.

[RunMickeyRun02]

My Eight Year old daughter: Can I have some of that? (whatever I was heating up in the microwave, I can't remember)

 

Me: Sorry, this is only for people who are awesome. Do you feel you are sufficiently awesome? (I'd like to point out that I was kidding of course and she knew I was)

 

8YO: Yes

 

Me: And why do you think you're awesome?

 

8YO: I fart a lot

 

Me: (trying not to laugh) You think ones ability to fart is what makes one awesome?

 

8YO: (Completely serious) Yes, that's what makes you awesome

 

Me: I'm not sure how to take that....

 

 

(I have a very mature family)

[Bigred_inSD]

decorating for christmas last year, we ran out of hooks for the ornaments, so I figured it would be a good idea to turn it into a game with my 2 year old and toss them onto the tree, the fiance then joined, tossed one and knocked a bunch off and said "d@mnit" the kid picked up on it and threw the ornaments harder to knock them off and yelled "d@mnit" every time..

 

When I'm making him a lunch and I ask if he wants a peanut butter and jelly, he gets a very serious look on his face and says "Yeah, and bread too"

 

when taking baths we will hand him the washcloth and tell him to wash his face, knee, elbow, etc, he then goes on to wash his private area and for some unknown reason to either of us calls it his "pinkie"

[NUance]

Five year old: "When should I get married?"

 

Me: "You might want to wait 20 years or so, until you're at least 25."

 

Five year old: "Or maybe 100!"

 

[NUance]

/surfing the kid channels for my five year old.

 

Me: "Do you want to watch Dora the Explorer?"

 

Five year old: "No way. That's a girl show!"

 

Me (surfing down): "Do you want to watch "My Little Pony"? /thinking he'll reject it.

 

Five year old: "Yeah!"

 

Me: "But isn't that a girl show too?"

 

Five year old: "Yeah, but it's cool."

 

/facepalm

[huKSer]

/surfing the kid channels for my five year old.

 

Me: "Do you want to watch Dora the Explorer?"

 

Five year old: "No way. That's a girl show!"

 

Me (surfing down): "Do you want to watch "My Little Pony"? /thinking he'll reject it.

 

Five year old: "Yeah!"

 

Me: "But isn't that a girl show too?"

 

Five year old: "Yeah, but it's cool."

 

/facepalm

Aren't you happy that the power came back on at your house?

[NUance]

 

/surfing the kid channels for my five year old.

 

Me: "Do you want to watch Dora the Explorer?"

 

Five year old: "No way. That's a girl show!"

 

Me (surfing down): "Do you want to watch "My Little Pony"? /thinking he'll reject it.

 

Five year old: "Yeah!"

 

Me: "But isn't that a girl show too?"

 

Five year old: "Yeah, but it's cool."

 

/facepalm

Aren't you happy that the power came back on at your house?

 

 

Ha ha! Yeah, because now we have My Little Pony!

 

But in that couple of days without electricity I did make it halfway through a book I'm reading.

[Moiraine]

For the record My Little Pony is way cooler than Dora. Dora is patronizing.

[The Dude]

The Equestranauts > My little Pony

[NUance]

I was reading a book the other day and my kid comes up and asks, "Why do you read books all the time?"

 

Me: "Well, that's how you get smarter. By reading books and learning things."

 

Him: "But what if the book is wrong. Wouldn't you get dumber then?"

[huKSer]

I was reading a book the other day and my kid comes up and asks, "Why do you read books all the time?"

 

Me: "Well, that's how you get smarter. By reading books and learning things."

 

Him: "But what if the book is wrong. Wouldn't you get dumber then?"

Mein Kampf

[NUance]

 

I was reading a book the other day and my kid comes up and asks, "Why do you read books all the time?"

 

Me: "Well, that's how you get smarter. By reading books and learning things."

 

Him: "But what if the book is wrong. Wouldn't you get dumber then?"

Mein Kampf

 

 

Ha ha! I'm not sure which way you're going with that, given your avatar.

[Stumpy1]

My daughter wanted to go fishing Wednesday so we loaded up and went to one of the local ponds. It was just her and I that went which was great cause we never really get to spend time together cause of sports and dance. So we are sitting there fishing and my daughter says, " Dad, I'm going to go on the other side of the truck and go to the bathroom". I told her that is fine but there is a bathroom up on the hill if she would rather go up there. She said she didn't want too. She proceed to go and came back to where we were fishing and was bouncing around having a good time. A bit later, I told her I had to pee and went around the side of the pickup only to discover that see not only peed but also pooped and it landed on the rim of my back tire. I asked her why she pooped on my tire and she said " At least I didn't get it on myself "

 

I told her that she needs to quit watching her mother so much. My wife did get a kick out of the whole thing but said "I never taught her to poop outside, that is her own thing"