Cy the Cyclone Posted July 5, 2012 Share Posted July 5, 2012 Since it has been a while, I have taken it upon myself to closely study the conference in an effort to make sure all of you will be up to date with my latest observations so, without further delay, here is my summer outlook for the 2012 Big 10 Football Conference. First… Legends Division Minnesota – This team sucked last year and will suck again this year. Nothing to see here citizen…move along… The only way this team finishes anywhere except last in their division is if… oh hell…there’s no way they’ll finish anywhere but last in the division so why try to delude yourself if you’re a Golden Gopher fan. Just bring plenty of booze to the game, get roaring drunk and then go boink some cougar in a rest room stall. Michigan – The media would sure like Michigan to win the legends division because they are the only team in the Big 10 named after one of the X-men. Unfortunately, they are probably going to look like comic book characters when Alabama pummels them in the opener. Michigan has always been a slow starter (i.e. they always have to play someone good before they get to the Illinois, Purdue, Northwestern part of their schedule) and usually have a few bad loses late in their year (i.e. once they get past Illinois, Purdue and Northwestern and have to play someone good) but this might be their year…or it might not be. It depends on whether or not Robinson wants to be be. Northwestern – Imagine my surprise when, as I was doing my research for this paper, I discovered that Northwestern is not really North and West of here. Matter of fact, there are at least three other schools in the Big 10 that are either further North or further West than Northwestern. Actually, I had no idea where the school was located but for the record, it’s in Evanston, Illinois…and I still don’t know where it’s located. No matter…they have purple uniforms. Barney is purple. Barney was patterned off a big, scary dinosaur who was actually not big and scary at all. Northwestern is patterned off a big, scary football team who are actually not big and scary at all…but even Barney gets lucky now and then or there wouldn’t be a Baby Bop would there? Same with Northwestern. Unfortunately, a real tough schedule will probably make Northwestern as extinct as the real Barney is… Iowa – Once Kirk Ferentz get’s his last kid out of school on the Iowa tax payer’s dime, he’ll be out of Iowa faster than you can spit out your hay seeds so this will no doubt be his last season and he wants to go out with a bang. So far he’s managed to put his started running back out for the year with an injury while suspending the top back up for getting caught smoking that evil wacky tobacky… Iowa recently upgraded their football facilities by purchasing a surplus rescue unit off of Craigs List and painting it black with an Iowa logo on it. The team will definitely be stronger this year as the players have all vowed to double their 12 ounce curl reps after every practice. Michigan State – Ask me how the Spartans managed to win the Legends Division last year…go ahead, ask me! How the hell do I know? How the hell does anybody know? I don’t even think they know how they did it. They have a cooler mascot than anybody else in the Big 10 so maybe that had something to do with it? The green uniforms kind of blend in with field so maybe that confused a couple of opponents? Maybe it’s because you can’t put together a good game plan against them because even they don’t know what they are going to do. The best strategy for dealing with Michigan State is to go out and see all the sights East Lansing has to offer and then come back and watch the last minute of the game because Michigan State plays football like a NASCAR race…two minutes of action packed into a three hour spectacle. Nebraska – Having constantly earned the undeserved ire of Husker fans, I’ll just say they will go undefeated in the conference, win the conference championship…go on to win the BCS championship and finally win the next Super Bowl. So…there you have it. The expected order of finish for the Legends Division of the Big 10 in the upcoming 2012 football season 1. Nebraska 2. All the other Losers 3. Minnesota Next time…if there is a next time…the Leaders Division. 5 Quote Link to comment
Excel Posted July 5, 2012 Share Posted July 5, 2012 That was awesome. Best post of the offseason by far, I fully support your East Dakota prediction. Quote Link to comment
Foppa Posted July 5, 2012 Share Posted July 5, 2012 I know you're wrong but I know you're right. Quote Link to comment
Blackshirts007 Posted July 5, 2012 Share Posted July 5, 2012 Cy- Will you marry me? -blackshirts007 Quote Link to comment
Blackshirt316 Posted July 5, 2012 Share Posted July 5, 2012 Sorry Cy, you fail. You forgot to predict Nebraska winning the World Series, the Stanley Cup, the US Open, the Indy 500, the Daytona 500, The Masters, Wrestlemania - and beating the Miami Heat in 4 to win the NBA title.. Quote Link to comment
Cy the Cyclone Posted July 5, 2012 Author Share Posted July 5, 2012 Oops...and they beat the Outer Space Invaders, the Zombie Apocalypse and win the 2012 Presidential Election and all the events at the 2012 Olympics in London...except Power Walking because nobody on the Husker team walks anywhere...they sprint! Quote Link to comment
ladyhawke Posted July 5, 2012 Share Posted July 5, 2012 Now that's funny-I don't care who you are!!! Quote Link to comment
Blackshirt316 Posted July 5, 2012 Share Posted July 5, 2012 Oops...and they beat the Outer Space Invaders, the Zombie Apocalypse and win the 2012 Presidential Election and all the events at the 2012 Olympics in London...except Power Walking because nobody on the Husker team walks anywhere...they sprint! Now you're getting it. Much better. Quote Link to comment
NUance Posted July 5, 2012 Share Posted July 5, 2012 Michigan – The media would sure like Michigan to win the legends division because they are the only team in the Big 10 named after one of the X-men. Unfortunately, they are probably going to look like comic book characters when Alabama pummels them in the opener. Michigan has always been a slow starter (i.e. they always have to play someone good before they get to the Illinois, Purdue, Northwestern part of their schedule) and usually have a few bad loses late in their year (i.e. once they get past Illinois, Purdue and Northwestern and have to play someone good) but this might be their year…or it might not be. It depends on whether or not Robinson wants to be be. X-men? You're not giving Michigan enough credit. Vulvarine was one of the XXX-Men. Quote Link to comment
Nebula Posted July 5, 2012 Share Posted July 5, 2012 This is all well and good, but I don't see any predictions for our estimated finishing rank in Mutant League Football. Everything else is meaningless. 1 Quote Link to comment
GSG Posted July 5, 2012 Share Posted July 5, 2012 This is all well and good, but I don't see any predictions for our estimated finishing rank in Mutant League Football. Everything else is meaningless. +1 for Mutant League Football. One of my favorite games on the Sega Genesis. Quote Link to comment
huKSer Posted July 5, 2012 Share Posted July 5, 2012 Cy - You need a Big 12 review, too. Now that ISU is the Mountaineer's favorite road trip and all Quote Link to comment
Apathy Posted July 5, 2012 Share Posted July 5, 2012 Glad to see that Cy is still alive. Quote Link to comment
darkhorse85 Posted July 6, 2012 Share Posted July 6, 2012 This is all well and good, but I don't see any predictions for our estimated finishing rank in Mutant League Football. Everything else is meaningless. +1 for Mutant League Football. One of my favorite games on the Sega Genesis. Maybe we should start renaming our players in the MFL style in order to intimidate opponents (i.e. Bones Jackson, Scary Ice). I'll start: Hex Burkhead. Kenny Hell. Brion Carnage. Quote Link to comment
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