Depression & Suicide

[icedavis]

I can understand where the perception of suicide being selfish is coming from but I disagree. I especially think it is unfair to the deceased to pass those kind of judgements when we don't know what kind of battle they are fighting. Imagine the things you could/would do or try to rationalize when you have no control over your mind. At worst, we should just say how sorry we are for having not recognizing the signs earlier (if we were in a place to do so), send our sympathies, celebrate the life they had and do our absolute best to not let another person take their life under the same circumstances.

 

I don't think you (or most anyone thinking along the same lines) are ignorant in the negative sense. Depression and anxiety are just so hard to wrap your mind around when you don't suffer and you just needed more information to get a better understanding, no matter how tough that part can be.

 

We definitely need to keep an open dialogue between people who suffer and those around them who don't. That is the best way to help everyone understand and fight the battle together.

[It'sNotAFakeID]

Again...in a sense, from the perspective of someone who has come oh so very close to ending it all, suicide is not selfish. It's an ultimate act of compassion. There's such a stigma to mental illness that it makes reaching out for help a very difficult prospect for those who are afflicted by the various diseases.

 

"How can you not be happy. Happiness is a product of the mind. You can be happy if you want to" perpetuates the notion that depression is something completely controllable by the person and that that specific person is weak for being depressed. To me, that only exacerbates the problem. The person who is afflicted doesn't want to say what's really bothering them because they don't want to be chastised for it. So they keep to themselves, take a walk in their own already slanted thoughts of worthlessness and helplessness. Until one day they come to the conclusion that life just isn't worth living; nobody should have to deal with someone as worthless as me. The world is better without me.

 

Then, nothing.

[ShawnWatson]

I first started getting panic attacks and depression during college and have almost offed myself a couple times because of it even on medication. Me and my brain were living peacefully together until one day my brain said "f#*k this" and tried to detach itself from reality (this is the best way I can describe it). From that day on I had panic attacks and depression every day for a year straight. The best way to explain a anxiety attack is to imagine how you would feel dying, scared and alone but there is no good reason why, and the more you think the scarier it gets.

 

I have been on medication for 10 years now which has helped a ton with the attacks and depression but I'm not the same person anymore, I used to be extremely goal oriented but now am complacent, I have a good job but it is nothing that I would have dreamed of doing before this happened.

 

I envy those that haven't been through this and understand why they don't get it, I have no visible injuries or war wounds to reflect what has happened, I can only explain the torture.

[ShawnWatson]

 

Again, I thought I may be in the wrong about this, and I appreciate yall enlightening me without passing to much judgement on me for my ignorance.

 

It's nice to have a place to come and talk about these things where I don't have to bring it up to someone who knows the person and won't jump me about it.

 

I dont think you should feel ignorant. You wanted to become more educated on something... Nothing wrong with that. Most people in here(outside of Tschu) understand that mental illness isnt fully understood, and instead of ripping you apart for asking the question, they would rather educate.

 

Sadly most people who are struggling dont think they can ever be normal.

 

You are helping educate others by being brave enough to ask the question... Now you know.

L

 

There's nothing wrong with being ignorant if you are willing to learn more like Cacti is. I've had a-hole pharmacists give me a strange look when they see my Effexor script, those are the people I can't handle.

[Landlord]

I just want to commend everyone involved in this thread on good form.

[BIGREDIOWAN]

I've seen suicide in person several times and there isn't an easy answer. Unfortunately one of the top reasons police officers die, suicide. Had a buddy I was on the SWAT team with kill himself two weeks ago, no one saw it coming, great guy to work with. I've been to scenes where someone has committed suicide because of depression, knee jerk reactions to a problem they are facing, terminal illness, financial problems, etc. So the problem is wide spread and there is no one specific thing you can point to so you can try and stop it. Tough topic that's for sure.............

[StPaulHusker]

I first started getting panic attacks and depression during college and have almost offed myself a couple times because of it even on medication. Me and my brain were living peacefully together until one day my brain said "f#*k this" and tried to detach itself from reality (this is the best way I can describe it). From that day on I had panic attacks and depression every day for a year straight. The best way to explain a anxiety attack is to imagine how you would feel dying, scared and alone but there is no good reason why, and the more you think the scarier it gets.

 

I have been on medication for 10 years now which has helped a ton with the attacks and depression but I'm not the same person anymore, I used to be extremely goal oriented but now am complacent, I have a good job but it is nothing that I would have dreamed of doing before this happened.

 

I envy those that haven't been through this and understand why they don't get it, I have no visible injuries or war wounds to reflect what has happened, I can only explain the torture.

Not as funny as your other posts but still good. And I'm glad you worked through what troubled you.

[irieboy8]

I first started getting panic attacks and depression during college and have almost offed myself a couple times because of it even on medication. Me and my brain were living peacefully together until one day my brain said "f#*k this" and tried to detach itself from reality (this is the best way I can describe it). From that day on I had panic attacks and depression every day for a year straight. The best way to explain a anxiety attack is to imagine how you would feel dying, scared and alone but there is no good reason why, and the more you think the scarier it gets.

 

I have been on medication for 10 years now which has helped a ton with the attacks and depression but I'm not the same person anymore, I used to be extremely goal oriented but now am complacent, I have a good job but it is nothing that I would have dreamed of doing before this happened.

 

I envy those that haven't been through this and understand why they don't get it, I have no visible injuries or war wounds to reflect what has happened, I can only explain the torture.

 

 

 

i totally can relate... i remember getting panic attacks as early as 7...... it was weird cuz it stopped between the ages of 14-23.. then it came roaring back.. i was tripping!! i had just moved to NC and was totally freaking out... i had a nervous break down on an airplane and went straight to the doc. got on meds and was good.... then it came back again... meds didn't help... and for many months i felt like sh#t... i hurt all over... felt miserable... tired all the time and life just sucked...... i got the right help... BUT could understand why someone would do that if they always felt like that.... some might say its a cop out... some may say someone in that much pain feel like suicide is the only thing they can control... me personally i don't think i could ever go through with it.. though it crossed my mind.... but i do believe i can understand too why people feel the need to end there.. life... if i didn't get better i know it would have been a strong possibility..

[Danny Bateman]

This is a really interesting thread. Glad it popped up as tops in this subforum on the front page or I never would've found it.

 

Depression is a horrible thing. Minnesota nailed it when he said it can simply be a chemical imbalance. At least in the case of folks who have the misfortune of recurrent depression. Every brain is unique. They do not work the same and certain ones require medication to even out such imbalances.

 

My mom suffers from a lot of mental disorders. She has suffered from ADHD, depression, bipolar disorder and alcoholism to varying degrees over the course of her life. A lot of it has to do with being unhappy with circumstances insofar as her relationship with my dad and her job, but those cannot account for everything. If you have not had to experience living with someone who has untreated mood disorders, it can be very frustrating. She is on meds for her ADHD and depression I believe but may not be taking anything for her bipolar disorder. I do not know the specifics of whether she has officially been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, prescribed meds for it, is taking them... etc.

However, the symptoms as far as mood swings from manic to depressed are clear as day to me when I spend an extended period of time back home. She tends to have lower "highs" which more seem just along the lines of a normal person's average mood, but long, spiraling bouts of lows interspersed quite frequently. It does not take very much to trigger a bout with depression-- one argument with someone, one single spoken sentence, or sometimes no apparent action at all causes them. I think perhaps in those cases she is just getting wrapped up in her own thoughts.

 

My dad and I both agree that we think she should reevaluate her medications and perhaps have them modified to keep her more even-keel. But it is extremely hard to recommend anything to her because when we do, she flies off the handle and takes it as a personal attack or statement that we think something is wrong with her.

 

To be clear, I do not. It makes me very upset as I do not want anything but the best for my parents and all of my family. It troubles me a lot when I think about her struggles and the affect it has on everyone else in my family. She too tried to kill herself one night, but that was during the worst times of her battle with alcoholism and she was very intoxicated.

 

It sounds sort of selfish, but I am glad I am not living at home anymore. I know that is nothing out of the ordinary, but I wish it was not because of these special circumstances. I can see it in my younger brothers as well-- they are always trying to leave the house to go spend every second of free time with friends or working or whatnot.

 

I'm very thankful genetics was kind to me. I believe I inherited a spot of ADD from her-- I'm not hyper by any means but can be very forgetful and easily distracted. However, I do not believe I inherited the depression or bipolar disorder from her, and I do not wish to test my luck, so I do not drink. But I am just tremendously happy to not have either of the depressive disorders, because I have seen firsthand for years the toll it has taken on her, along with the alcoholism. These disorders all kind of interlaced and had a profoundly difficult effect on my mother's life. I truly pity her for what she has gone through and continues to go through.

 

Living with someone with depression or any other mood disorder can be exhausting. But you have to be patient and remember exactly what IceDavis said.... it is not WHO they are, it is something they HAVE.

 

It may be easy to rush to point the finger if they are in the dumps and/or make corresponding irrational decisions. But just remember they did not choose to be affected by their disorder. No one would choose such a fate. The lack of knowledge and stigma in our society about these disorders is astounding, and I really wish more people were exposed to these different perspectives.

 

Sorry for rambling guys.

[irieboy8]

This is a really interesting thread. Glad it popped up as tops in this subforum on the front page or I never would've found it.

 

Depression is a horrible thing. Minnesota nailed it when he said it can simply be a chemical imbalance. At least in the case of folks who have the misfortune of recurrent depression. Every brain is unique. They do not work the same and certain ones require medication to even out such imbalances.

 

My mom suffers from a lot of mental disorders. She has suffered from ADHD, depression, bipolar disorder and alcoholism to varying degrees over the course of her life. A lot of it has to do with being unhappy with circumstances insofar as her relationship with my dad and her job, but those cannot account for everything. If you have not had to experience living with someone who has untreated mood disorders, it can be very frustrating. She is on meds for her ADHD and depression I believe but may not be taking anything for her bipolar disorder. I do not know the specifics of whether she has officially been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, prescribed meds for it, is taking them... etc.

 

However, the symptoms as far as mood swings from manic to depressed are clear as day to me when I spend an extended period of time back home. She tends to have lower "highs" which more seem just along the lines of a normal person's average mood, but long, spiraling bouts of lows interspersed quite frequently. It does not take very much to trigger a bout with depression-- one argument with someone, one single spoken sentence, or sometimes no apparent action at all causes them. I think perhaps in those cases she is just getting wrapped up in her own thoughts.

 

My dad and I both agree that we think she should reevaluate her medications and perhaps have them modified to keep her more even-keel. But it is extremely hard to recommend anything to her because when we do, she flies off the handle and takes it as a personal attack or statement that we think something is wrong with her.

 

To be clear, I do not. It makes me very upset as I do not want anything but the best for my parents and all of my family. It troubles me a lot when I think about her struggles and the affect it has on everyone else in my family. She too tried to kill herself one night, but that was during the worst times of her battle with alcoholism and she was very intoxicated.

 

It sounds sort of selfish, but I am glad I am not living at home anymore. I know that is nothing out of the ordinary, but I wish it was not because of these special circumstances. I can see it in my younger brothers as well-- they are always trying to leave the house to go spend every second of free time with friends or working or whatnot.

 

I'm very thankful genetics was kind to me. I believe I inherited a spot of ADD from her-- I'm not hyper by any means but can be very forgetful and easily distracted. However, I do not believe I inherited the depression or bipolar disorder from her, and I do not wish to test my luck, so I do not drink. But I am just tremendously happy to not have either of the depressive disorders, because I have seen firsthand for years the toll it has taken on her, along with the alcoholism. These disorders all kind of interlaced and had a profoundly difficult effect on my mother's life. I truly pity her for what she has gone through and continues to go through.

 

Living with someone with depression or any other mood disorder can be exhausting. But you have to be patient and remember exactly what IceDavis said.... it is not WHO they are, it is something they HAVE.

 

It may be easy to rush to point the finger if they are in the dumps and/or make corresponding irrational decisions. But just remember they did not choose to be affected by their disorder. No one would choose such a fate. The lack of knowledge and stigma in our society about these disorders is astounding, and I really wish more people were exposed to these different perspectives.

 

Sorry for rambling guys.

 

 

my girlfriend at the time (later on wife) pretty much moved out when my symptoms started to rise up right before we left SF for NC.... she didn't understand and it really almost cost us our relationship.... but we got educated and she learned to deal with me... but it wasn't easy... its very hard.. i wouldn't want to live with me either at that time... i remember one time we were going out to her best friends bday party somewhere in the city...... i just lost it in the car and at a stop sign ran out and disappeared into the night in the embarcadero.. i camped out under a bench and just was wandering around like a homeless person!! what a trip!!! anyways it effects everyone fore sure

[Stumpy1]

I've seen suicide in person several times and there isn't an easy answer. Unfortunately one of the top reasons police officers die, suicide. Had a buddy I was on the SWAT team with kill himself two weeks ago, no one saw it coming, great guy to work with. I've been to scenes where someone has committed suicide because of depression, knee jerk reactions to a problem they are facing, terminal illness, financial problems, etc. So the problem is wide spread and there is no one specific thing you can point to so you can try and stop it. Tough topic that's for sure.............

I am on my towns Fire & Rescue Department and have had the unfortunate time of going on a couple suicide calls. At first, it seemed to really piss me off about why someone would do that and cause so much grief for their families and friends but then about a month ago, my oldest son's best friend tried to kill himself. It really upset my family as he is like another son to us and after talking to him for a length of time, I literally wanted to do nothing but cry. He was so depressed about life and family that he thought it would be best to end it all and make the pain go away. He never told anyone about his depression cause he didn't want to bother them with his problems. I told him if he ever needs to talk, I would be more then happy to sit down with him.

[BigRedBuster]

While in college, I worked in a hospital intensive care unit. It was amazing how many times I think back to that job as a teenager and realize I really learned something about life while there.

 

One night, we had a guy brought in who had tried to commit suicide. He was around 20 and he had taken an entire bottle of sleeping pills. His mother found him and called 911 just in time to get him to the hospital.

 

Once admitted and given initial treatment, he was still completely out. I happened to be in the room doing something when he woke up the first time, looked around and saw me and said...."Why didn't you just let me die?" Honestly, I still can see the look on his face as though it happened yesterday. As a teenager myself, I was at a total loss for words. I don't remember what I said but I'm sure it wasn't anything meaningful.

 

There is no logic behind any of this.

[icedavis]

I happened to be in the room doing something when he woke up the first time, looked around and saw me and said...."Why didn't you just let me die?" Honestly, I still can see the look on his face as though it happened yesterday.

 

Ouch. I can only imagine how tough of a moment that would/could have been.

[beanman]

I first started getting panic attacks and depression during college and have almost offed myself a couple times because of it even on medication. Me and my brain were living peacefully together until one day my brain said "f#*k this" and tried to detach itself from reality (this is the best way I can describe it). From that day on I had panic attacks and depression every day for a year straight. The best way to explain a anxiety attack is to imagine how you would feel dying, scared and alone but there is no good reason why, and the more you think the scarier it gets.

 

I have been on medication for 10 years now which has helped a ton with the attacks and depression but I'm not the same person anymore, I used to be extremely goal oriented but now am complacent, I have a good job but it is nothing that I would have dreamed of doing before this happened.

 

I envy those that haven't been through this and understand why they don't get it, I have no visible injuries or war wounds to reflect what has happened, I can only explain the torture.

Watson this describes me exactly the past few years. Not sure what triggered it, probably turning 30 and realizing that I wasn't going to live forever or just all the stress that came along with having kids and being the sole income source for my family. Either way, I'm still struggling and have been extremely mediocre at my job the past couple of years. I too used to be goal-oriented and now most days I can barely get through work, feel exhausted, unmotivated and have had some panic attacks as well(your description is perfect BTW). I've missed work because of my issues multiple times and have not told them the real reason I stayed home. Most days when I get home I go straight to the couch and don't get off of it until I wake up the next morning. Huskerboard is great for me because it takes my mind off of all my "problems". At least I can deflect some of my anger towards Bo (hey maybe I figured out why Polo is the way he is)

 

I went from basically walking on water with my company to being very average and that bothers me, but not enough for me to do anything about it by putting forth more effort. I've tried some medications but they usually come with so many side affects(horrible headaches, no sleep, panic attacks) that I stop taking them because I can't get through the initial few weeks. I feel like a shell of my former self, struggle to solve problems like I used to and if I were try to make it through my college coursework now I'd be completely doomed. It's just not there anymore mentally for me. It sucks but I just try to get through each day and be as good a dad as I can given I'm unhappy and have no energy to keep up with them. I see a shrink every couple of weeks but I don't know that I get a whole hell of a lot out of that other than to feel even sorrier for myself(when I shouldn't feel sorry for myself to begin with). I see a lot of people that appear to be really happy with life and enjoy every moment of it, and honestly it pisses me off because I can't get there for whatever reason. I've got a great wife, 3 great kids, a great income, a boat, a great house, a couple cars and great friends but I hate my life. I was happier when I was a broke college student because at least then I was working toward my dreams. Now I've got nothing to look forward to and that seems to be a big part of my problem. The only thing I've got going for me at this point is I don't drink much.

[sd'sker]

I was happier when I was a broke college student because at least then I was working toward my dreams.

maybe you just hate your job?

 

there is a thing called ego depletion. i know most people hate their job, but my job makes me hate life. i am trying to find something new, because i cannot do what i am doing much longer. and i think it will help a lot. because my life is too great otherwise for me to be this miserable.

 

but i mention jobs and ego depletion because of your comments about being exhausted and just lounging on the couch. every choice you make takes energy and takes from your will power. and i believe the more you hate the choices you have to make, the more exhausted you become. so by the end of the day, you are spent.