Post your best legit-sounding but utterly BS coaching rumor

[knapplc]

 

 

refuse to participate because of use of the non-word 'legit'

Legit

 

this is knapps way of telling you participation is mandatory.

 

 

Everything not forbidden is compulsory.

[Bigred_inSD]

This is kind of embarrassing but it's with 25 +1 so hear it is.

 

I'm down on my luck right now and I was dumpster diving for some free lunch. When I emerged from the dumpster I saw this fancy limo, I approached it hoping to score a few dollars. The window rolled down just enough for the passenger to hand me a $20 and a copy of "the winner's Manuel"

 

When out of no where a drunk bo Pelini attacked the vehicle with a golf club screaming something about leaving Nebraska for Ohio state not the opposite. I never got a look at who was in the limo but basic logic and you can figure it out...

[Marf]

^{I heard Awkward Rob Lowe hopes it isn't a girl... Or a guy....}

[ADS]

Barney Cotton. Hires Ben to coach TE. Hires Jake to OL. Sam continues to play. Somehow they start mass producing Cottons to fill all other coaching positions and field a team of all Cotton's. First year in, they win the Cotton Bowl.

How amazing would this be?

[presidentjlh]

Barney Cotton. Hires Ben to coach TE. Hires Jake to OL. Sam continues to play. Somehow they start mass producing Cottons to fill all other coaching positions and field a team of all Cotton's. First year in, they win the Cotton Bowl.

We have our winner.

[HUSKER FREAK]

Saw a tweet a while ago that said that Jim Harbaugh was seen exiting a private jet at the Lincoln airport. I was really excited and then felt stupid because that probably isn't going to happen, but wow would that be a great hire!!!

[Skull&Bones]

I am now convinced seal team 6 is involved in this coaching search one way or another. No Joke!

[cornhusker1]

Jim Harbaugh is town

 

[RedRedJarvisRedwine]

Im hearing Phil Jackson and Melo cant get along so Phil will be taking the job. Lue will be his OC.

[The Dude]

Bo Pelini thinks you're a bunch of butt plugs.

[huskerfan92]

The identity of Faux Pelini has been uncovered and it has been announced he will be the next head coach of Nebraska. The man is non other than NFL coaching legend Bill Parcells. A closeted Husker fan has spent his retirement running the most popular coaching parody account on Twitter. Parcells will reportedly save the University over $2 million a year as he will be conducting all his recruiting entirely over the social media site.

[kchusker_chris]

Bo Pelini thinks you're a bunch of butt plugs.

that's true

[Bradr]

Nebraska, not living up the the BIG's original expectations, was the unknowing recipient of a master plan concocted over two years ago BIG officials.

 

Top down talks from upper level BIG reps were funneled through Alvarez to SE last year. Those discussions centered around replacing the NE football coaching staff. This action was the first step in a long list of BIG administrative plans, among which that were set into motion, were to increase the chances of NE re-rentering elite status, which in turn would elevate the image BIG West/BIG as a whole.

 

During these initial talks, it was disclosed to SE that the BIG legal crew had already worked out loopholes in the Tressel show clause and were actively working behind the scenes to provide the program with everything needed to bring Tressel back into the coaching world for NE and the BIG.

 

This plan, is among the many steps being taken by the BIG administration to re-ignite the BIG's traditionally elite programs, which in turn would help give the BIG better recruits, rankings, and respect in the football world.

 

As PSU's sanctions are stripped away, Michigan quietly bids it's time for their plan to unfold...

[Undone]

Here's what I heard last night while I was sipping Mint Juleps at the Brass Rail from one of the bar maids...

 

Last night, that guy from that science thing was brought in by Howard Hawks to use Osborne's sperm to concoct a supreme abomination of a clone that would incubated by your mom's nail lady.

 

But she said the frozen sperm Hawks was told was in the Target sack in his freezer was actually Pat Ricketts' (long story). So they had to extract manually. But apparently, as potent as The Doctor still is, they just couldn't get a good sample. During the "procedure," Tom mentions that it's his divine will for Tressel to get the gig anyway. But now Tressel's missing. So thinking they could actually get a decent cloning from merely the DNA on a Tressel-hair, they raid his sweater vault (the password to which is Woody Hayes birthdate...obv), but, *gasp* - All gone!

 

So the science guy is like, "I do have this time machine thing laying around." But Osborne, as we all know it, doesn't really go in for time travel. So they sent Pat Ricketts back in time to 2005 to collect a sample, believing this to be the moment in time in which Jim's midi-chlorian count to be the highest. Tressel sees Pat coming through the portal and he's like, "You're here to get a DNA sample, aren't you...I knew this would happen." And so he like, wrestles with Pat for a long time, and finally sends him back to the future.

 

The rest of the story plays out in obvious fashion; no need to stress my carpal tunnel any further typing it out.

And that's how Pat Ricketts becomes the next head coach at The University of Nebraska.

[HuskerfaninOkieland]

Bo Pelini thinks you're a bunch of butt plugs.

Ironically, butt plugs would do a better a job at coaching the defense. They can at least plug the holes or seal off the outside to keep opponents from running it all over us